Ever notice how our pets seem to find time to stop, sit, and rest unbothered by our myriad of plans, schedules, and commitments?

They are able to “be” in the moment, not troubled by the busy, chaotic world rushing about around them.

Let me introduce my 3 year old mini-labradoodle, Bailey, who has the ability to remind me to pause, rest, and reset.

She was a life-giving gift given to me early in my cancer journey, and surprisingly, has become a lovely emotional support dog. She has taught me so much about presence, sitting with others, resting, and healing all things that help reduce distractions brought by stress, hurry and schedules in our lives – something that I find comes with each new year!

Greetings for the New Year

Greetings and a Happy New Year.

As the new year begins, many of us seek a newness in our lives, and a lessening of the stress and pain life can often bring. We all seem to strive for more and better in life – every year!

If any of you are still in the midst of all the new year scurry, hurry, and worry and wonder where all the well intended intentions and resolutions have gone, may I encourage you to take a moment to pause, reflect, reset, and ask “What is that all the busy-ness costing you as you enter into another new year?”.

Choosing to Shift

So many of us complain about life’s level of busy-ness where there’s no time to do what we want and value in life – the things that bring peace, hope, and purpose. Making more resolutions just seem to add to the heap of to-do’s already weighing heavily upon our shoulders.

We blame our situations, circumstances, or others for our condition of stress, busy-ness, and strife. We’re left feeling exhausted, disenfranchised, overwhelmed, and like a victim to our 21st century, chaotic lifestyles.

Our responses to manage and cope with it are well-intended yet seemingly unsuccessful.

We make New Year’s resolutions every January, consider intentions, pick a word of the year, join gym’s, start diets, select short- and long-term goals, set up planners to cope with the options facing us, etc., only to find that we can’t seem to keep up with these aspirational goals.

I don’t know about you, but I’ve done all of those things at one time or another. Yet nothing seems to last very long because I’m easily distracted, have too many external pressures and responsibilities, can be a little forgetful, or just don’t have the willpower to keep going because I’m so tired from my health issues or life’s responsibilities.

It leaves me feeling like I failed once again. How about you?

Do you ever feel like that?

Have you noticed the one thing that does get our attention?

It’s the thing that’s screaming the loudest. If something is screaming really loudly it’s likely causing us and/or others discomfort so we do what we can to minimize the discomfort. Meanwhile everything else gets thrown out the window to do “later on” or “tomorrow” – yet for most of us tomorrow never really arrives!

When this happens, we need to stop, pause, and listen to our body, mind, and soul, then reconsider, and reset so we can make informed choices about how to take the next step we need to take in order to choose the direction that points us towards our values, and the things that bring wellness, wholeness, and hope – to us, the circumstances, and people involved.

The Alternative

I think that choosing to pause, evaluate, and re-set is one of the kindest things we can do for ourselves. It’s more of an ongoing appraisal of reality of the situation, limitations, needs, and required responses given the situation faced – it is made up of choices that move us forward in the direction we need to go to choose to live well given our limitations and circumstances.

It is a gentle approach, taking needs into account from different perspectives. It’s more of a directional movement than goal achievement.

I’ve learned that this approach has the ability to build resilience in me because it’s based in gentleness and attention to needs that bring value, wholeness, and hope.

Finding Clarity

Life changing circumstances have a way of creating a crisis that brings clarity and priority to life’s most important things. It also creates a sense of urgency helping us examine how we choose to live life moving forward if we want to live life well and embrace life in a way that brings hope, joy, meaning, and purpose.

It wasn’t until I was diagnosed with stage III oral cancer (5 years ago), where I lost almost 1/2 of my tongue and had to relearn how to eat, chew, swallow and speak in new ways. Cancer was quickly followed by diagnosis of an autoimmune disease where I realized that I had to radically change my lifestyle due to the new physical limitations I faced through surgery and treatment, then compounded by an autoimmune disease that is a chronic life-long condition (requiring pills and weekly injections), especially if I hoped to avoid a recurrence of cancer and keep my autoimmune disease in remission.

How did clarity arrive for me?

A few questions quickly came to mind when I received my diagnosis.

• Have I done all that God has asked me to do in my life?

• Have I been the kind of mom my kids need me to be?

• What kind of legacy am I leaving my children, my family?

Nothing else mattered. No one else mattered. God and family. That was it.

The funny thing about getting a cancer diagnosis is that we are quickly faced with our own mortality and it has a way of showing us what is most important in life – and what isn’t.

Clarity.

As I took time to consider these few questions, more questions quickly came to mind.

1. If I want to leave a good legacy, what do I want to be remembered for?

2. What is it that I value? (There are all sorts of values exercises online)

3. What don’t I have any control over?

4. What do I have control over so that I am living from my values and won’t look back on life at the end and feel loss or regret?

• What is distracting me?

• What do I need to let go of?

• What do I need to embrace?

• What do I need to invest in?

5. What is it I can do to choose to live life wholly, fully, and cheerfully - to live my best life given my circumstances and limitations?

When I get distracted and tempted to engage in more activities I have to remind myself to maintain my priorities and a balance otherwise my body quickly tells me I’m overdoing and I end up in pain, immobile, and in bed for days.

Knowing what I value helps.

I’m including an excerpt from my book about the few simple questions I ask myself when these time arise. I hope you find them helpful.

Fern E.M. Buszowski, Embrace Life, Embrace Hope: Cultivating Wholeness and Resilience through the Unexpected”, p. 62))

Pause, listen, reevaluate, and reset – this is key.

What is it that you value?

How can it help you enter into 2026 in new ways?

Still Want to do a Word of The Year?

I will still select a word of the year because I’ve done it for decades and it is part of what I value.

Last year my word was PEACE. I will likely keep the same word for this year since my health can easily steal peace away from me.

If you’d like to learn more about choosing a Word of the Year, check out one of my previous posts to help you select a Word of the Year. I have a .pdf attachment that you might enjoy.

Click here to visit the blog Word of the Year Post.

Other Big News – Official 5-year Cancer Anniversary

I’m celebrating.

Will you join me?

January 7^th was my official 5th anniversary of being “cancer-free”. This is a significant milestone for head and neck cancer patients.

I’m pretty thankful as I believe that it means, from a medical perspective, that the chances of recurrences now are pretty slim.

I have an amazing medical team of doctors and caregivers and can’t be more grateful for them. I’ve a loving family and set of friends who have supported me on this journey and still do. I am grateful for so very much – especially for the healing journey I’ve been on even if it has been and is still challenging.

I’d love it if you’d celebrate with me!

Ways to Celebrate with me:

If you have a friend who is facing cancer, or a friend walking with someone as their friend/caregiver, please forward this blog post and invite them to follow along on Substack.

We’re always stronger together when we journey together.

Spread the word… about my book – Embrace Life, Embrace Hope: Cultivating Wholeness and Resilience through the Unexpected. All proceeds from the book Embrace Life, Embrace Hope go to cancer research here in Calgary through our University of Calgary, Cumming School of Medicine, Ohlson Research Initiative into the Greatest Need Fund. So far my book has raised and donated close to $8K for this fund.

Write a review… If you’ve read my book, please consider writing a short review on Goodreads or Amazon. Reviews are the only way that people searching for a “good” book know whether or not the book is worth reading.

This month’s post has a few things for you!

1. An update on our kitchen project

2. Questions to reflect on for creating life rhythms that work

3. A poll on how you cultivate a simpler, slower life rhythm

4. An invitation to join me in celebrating a key milestone in my cancer journey

5. Embrace Life, Embrace Hope is a Bronze Medal Award Winner in the Christian Living Category!

But first a note from my home … the Kitchen is done!!

As I mentioned in the last post we gave our kitchen a face lift. I only had to help paint some cupboards and then decorate the countertops - 2 things I find fun and creative but my husband did pretty much everything else with the help of a friend, and 3-party contractors who installed the counters and windows.

I promised to show a couple of photos when we were done and I must say I’m quite enjoying my clean, bright, new kitchen and especially love my new and improved kitchen island.

I’m hoping it’ll help me be a better cook and baker too!

I’m most thrilled with my baker’s table. Now stripped, restained, and raised with a lower tray is is my new “bakers table”. The photo doesn’t do it justice. It is where all my baking tools and supplies are.

It was especially fun to do a bit of thrifting for decorating the countertops and set up a cozy coffee/tea station. I was even able to dig out some old dusty items that had been in boxes for years. The only “new” things in the kitchen are the countertops, kitchen sink, and windows everything else just got repainted or tidied up.

Here’s the other side of our very long kitchen. It’s the place most of us congregate into:

Now onto … “What Helps us Notice Life Draining Rhythms”

After my cancer treatment finished almost 5 years ago I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. It’s one of those chronic things that raises its ugly head when I’m tired, stressed, or too busy. Once it’s out of remission it can take weeks or months for pain and symptoms to subside. Consequently, I don’t have much choice except to notice and respond with compassionate self-care, soulcare and implement lifestyle changes so I can live my best life given my limitations.

B.C. (before cancer) when I was disease free, when workloads and responsibilities were high, I had a fairly high-stress role as a counseling therapist. I could easily just push through and keep going, but that’s no longer the case.

I must handle my own self-care as tenderly as I did my children’s when they were young, and my clients as I served them.

Why is it so Many of us Tend to Ignore our Needs?

Admittedly, even today, it’s a struggle and a balancing act dealing with a disease that I seemly have no control over. But because I want to live my best life with the limitations I face, I must make the effort and take the time to help keep the disease in remission by caring for myself body, soul, and spirit, rather than ignoring my needs.

More often than not I fail, however, I do keep trying my best. My best is all I can offer.

The Magic of Space

I was reminded recently that when I create space in my life for reflection it seems to also create space in my mind for new ideas, as well as a sense of peace in my heart. It motivates a greater willingness to rest and create healthy activities for my body.

The result? Freshness in my soul and a renewing of my spirit as well as all sorts of new ideas.

Cultivating space has a profound effect on one’s body, soul, and spirit – for better or worse

Space is helpful.

Lack of space is not.

The first time I was seriously convicted about the need for caring for myself body, soul, and spirit, was when I was diagnosed with Stage III Oral Cancer followed a few months later by the autoimmune disease I just mentioned – everything was screaming at me with life adjustments and excruciating physical and emotional pain which resulted in a serious lack of sleep and a deep fear of an unknown future.

It’s easy to get stuck there. However, I didn’t want to stay stuck.

During that time I regularly asked myself the question which I’ll ask you today:

Just today, as I began to write this blog, I took the time to ask and answer this same question again and related it to how I want my fall/winter schedule to look with my workload and activities.

Adjustments and expectations must be made if I am to keep this pace of slower living and hang onto my health as well.

Have you ever taken the time to take stock and see how you are doing body, soul, spirit and in your relationships and compare your current reality to what you want it to be like while balancing your goals and responsibilities?

This is one of those questions that can easily be lost to “I’ll do it later” or even, if you are anything like me, completely forget when all is well and only consider it when you are desperately in need for self-care.

Taking Stock

I invite you to pause and take a few minutes to do a daily check-in – even just once – just for today and reflect on your experience.

When I do this exercise, I draw a line on a piece of paper for each area –body, soul, spirit, and relationships and rate myself on a scale of 1-5.

1 = bad

5 = great and the others (2,3, and 4) lay somewhere in-between.

Reflecting on the Question

It’s a great question to ask at the start of day as well as the end of day. Doing a evening check-in uncovers how we’re doing on an ongoing basis so we can make adjustments as needed.

I also ask additional questions to examine why my score is what it is and if the result shows the direction I’m taking. It helps to evaluate what is life-giving vs. life-diminishing.

Am I moving toward balance or away from it toward busy-ness?

Am I moving toward addressing my emotions and concerns or away from them?

Am I moving toward God or away from Him.

Am I moving toward people or away from them.

When our movement is going in the wrong direction we can consider necessary adjustments or ask others for help when needed.

But, first, we need to become aware of the direction we are taking – that’s why a regular check-in is so helpful. Ignoring is unhelpful.

Cultivating Space for New Rhythms

We all have goals, demands, experiences, and responsibilities that influence our day and we do have a choice how we respond.

When our responses consistently push us in the wrong direction away from living our best life and away from caring well for ourselves as whole beings – all of us( body, soul, and spirit including our relationships) – the result will likely be something other than what we hoped for.

No one likes to be in that place!

By taking stock and monitoring rather than just pushing through, we get to decide if we need to change direction in order to embrace that which fills us up rather than that which drains us. This way is becomes an ongoing check-in that can help build our resilience.

Imagine cultivating a way of living that allows us to find a way to respond to our needs rather than just allowing the “to do list” to reign over us. It requires give and take.

It requires practice (I’m preaching to myself too, btw!)

Here’s the way I like to look at the categories of body, soul, and spirit and relationships.

• Bodies (exercise, activity, rest, nutrition, sleep, etc.),

• Soul (helpful thinking, dealing with our emotions, telling ourselves true stories, making wise, compassionate and good decisions, etc.),

• Spirit – our time with God, spiritual growth, etc.

• Relationships – with family, friends, community, etc.

A Crisis Can Make it Worse

Even on the best of days there are competing challenges and frustrations, yet, when the unexpected happens, like when larger trials, life-threatening illnesses, deaths, tragedies or any kind of unwanted crises arise, there is even a greater need to cultivate space for caring for ourselves in new ways so we can heal and grow despite the awfulness of the circumstances we may face.

Cultivating self-care and soul-care are kind of like building muscle mass. We can’t lift heavy weights for long period of time unless we train and prepare to do so – IN ADVANCE. As we practice we get better and stronger allowing “training” to become “a way of living”.

We are all a Work-in-Progress

Unfortunately there is no magic fix when competing challenges or crises usher us into a period of trial and suffering, but as we practice caring for ourselves during our every-day lives, we’ll learn to notice our needs more swiftly and respond in ways that are more helpful. This builds resilience to respond to needs while balancing responsibilities, roles, etc.

I’ll close with an excerpt from my book as I reflected on this learning journey, of caring for myself body, soul, and spirit, and learning to live well in a new normal.

When I look with hope, without dismissing the difficult moments, I see good in people, good in things, good in circumstances, and good in outcomes. Doing this brings me more hope, reminding me of all my blessings. Holding this perspective helps me appreciate the simple joys in life each day and gives me courage to release the false hope of living my old normal.

Buszowski, Fern E.M., Embrace Life, Embrace Hope: Cultivating Wholeness and Resilience through the Unexpected, (Winnipeg, Manitoba: Word Alive Press, 2023) p. 67-68

Bronze Medal Winner - Christian Living Category

I’m excited to announce that my book won an award! This time it came with a Bronze Medal from the Illumination Awards (USA) in the Christian Living Category 2025.

Do you like Important Celebrations? Come join me!

We typically celebrate cancer anniversaries on the date when treatment ends. In my case my treatment ended 5 years ago on January 7th. My 5th anniversary will be January 7th, 2026.

I can’t tell you how ecstatic I am to be drawing close to this date! I know that life doesn’t bring any guarantees but it sure feels good to be able to say “cancer-free”.

Will you celebrate with me by writing a brief review? (Wait! Don’t run away) Its not as scary as you think!

I’m asking readers who have read my book to write a brief review and post it on Amazon and on GoodReads between now and my 5th anniversary where I plan to celebrate 5 years CANCER-FREE!

Why are ratings so important? It helps readers know if the book is for them or not. If they know others enjoyed the book they may get a copy.

Your word matter. They make a difference.

How many times have you picked up a book because a friend told you about it? For me? Almost every time!!

What does that mean?

With every purchase, more money goes to cancer research. Research changes lives and saves lives too.

All proceeds I receive from the sale of Embrace Life, Embrace Hope are donated to cancer research.

Writing a Review:

A review can be as simple as a 5-minute commitment and putting a Star rating review, just one good descriptive word, one or two sentences, or a whole reflective paragraph if you like writing. What is most important is that you let the readers know how the book impacted you because maybe they’ll want to buy the book.

Here are ideas:

My Goal: 50 reviews (10 for each year I’ve been cancer-free!)

To see what others have written so far here are some quick links below to check’em out.

Just visit Amazon to see what others have written. Scroll down to the reviews to read what others have written and if you ware willing to add your review, there’s a button you can click on to write the REVIEW.

Visit Amazon.ca (if you are in Canada) Amazon in Canada

Visit Amazon.com (if you are in the USA) Amazon in USA

Visit GoodReads Goodreads

STAY TUNED… LOOKING FORWARD TO CELEBRATIONS IN JANUARY!

And as you seek new ways of caring for yourself may you also find shalom.

Despite daily challenges with my autoimmune disease these last few months there is a special project I’ve been plugging away at since the new year, with a liked-minded Canadian organization. It is still underway, so, for now it is a SECRET!

As soon as I am able to announce more I will. I’m excited about what the future will bring!

If you are a praying type of person I’d appreciate prayer for the process of project.

Embrace Life, Embrace Hope is an Award Winner!

I’m thrilled, honored, and very humbled that “Embrace Life, Embrace Hope” has been getting noticed by people and groups who judge what is between it’s covers.

Here’s the latest on my book:

1) It was selected by Canada’s The World Guild as one of 3 finalists in the “Christian Living and Spiritual Formation” category.

2) It was selected by USA’s Illumination Awards and won a Bronze Medal in the “Christian Living” category.

I imagine I’m not the only who feels like sharing our story, whether in person or in writing, is a vulnerable step. We don’t know how the reader or listener will respond! Consequently, before we even share, we can cast doubt the worth of our words and and end up wondering if our story will make a difference in people’s lives.

The fact that there were judges from each organization, evaluating books, from cover to cover, writing evaluations to decide who’s work should receive any kind of recognition warms my heart and affirms what I consider a calling to share my specific story through the writing of Embrace Life, Embrace Hope.

A big THANK YOU to all you who have read and supported my work and journey so far.

This couldn’t have been accomplished without each one of you!

A Peek Behind the Scenes

Life has been quieter than normal for the last few months, as I’ve been taking some extra soul care time to attend to my health.

Thankfully these last few weeks have brought much good rest and energy into my life again. Consequently, my writing and painting have been put on pause as I continue to reset daily commitments, goals, and efforts.

This has given my husband and I time to do start a long overdue room-renovation that has been put on hold for the last few years as I wrote, published, and launched my book.

Every few years we try to do upgrade or repair a part of our home – indoors or outdoors to accommodate our changing lifestyle and keep good care of the house. This year the kitchen that is getting a face-lift.

We are giving our ~53-year-old kitchen a much-needed facelift!

This great plan of ours includes: painting walls, removing old countertops, changing baseboards, building an extra storage areas, and installing a new bay window over our sink and a new deep sink and faucet. Since the house is older we are keeping the hardwood cupboards considering how sturdy they are and giving them a fresh coat of paint, but most of the other things needed replacement.

This means that I had to go through each and every cupboard – donate what I don’t use and re-organize what I’ve kept. It’s been my experience that many older homes don’t have good amounts of storage and shelving that the newer homes seem to have, so I took the opportunity to downsize, simplify, and organize what was left.

This included the fun job of alphabetizing my spices, replacing all plastic containers with glass jars, and converting the junk drawer into a handy tea drawer. We’re using one whole side of the kitchen to set up a coffee/tea station for when we have social times with friends and family. The other side of the kitchen will remain being the main-work area where we cook and bake daily.

The only thing we are left with is to decide to replace or keep our kitchen table and convert it into a taller country-looking island. I’m leaning towards the country-looking island which means a creative refurb of the wooden table we use since it is around this table where we create many of our family time memories.

By now you may be wondering what this reno has to do with illness and losses in life.

Please keep reading…

Analogies Come From the Strangest Places

As we prepared for this kitchen project, analogies kept popping into my head about how our kitchen renovation showed parallels to a journey of recovering from overwhelming circumstances like cancer, chronic illnesses, or other unwanted experiences that bring great loss and life change.

Since the reflections and ah-ha’s just kept coming I decided to keep a list of what came to mind and was surprised at what the list showed me, so, I decided to include them in my May blog to share with you.

Faith and Trust:

I moved from knowing where all the utensils and bowls were located to forgetting and then becoming frustrated in the hunt to find them!

It seems that when an unexpected life experience happens what we mostly rail against the unwanted changes that it brings. These often frustrate, inconvenience us, shatter dreams, and downright hurt.

Our heart desires what our heart desires.

The result is that we can move to a place of longing for the past and become blind to what the future may hold.

I’ve learned in my own journey that pining for our old normal can keep me stuck because in many cases the previous normal never really returns.

When many of us get stuck, we can focus our attention on negatives that the change brings along with the change it requires of us and this can entrench us more deeply into being stuck.

In this stuck place we can easily lose faith and trust in God’s promises of a good future.

We must fight to look up and forward to recognize the opportunities that God may be showing us.

Grieving the Changes and Losses while Celebrating the Promises:

Even though I wanted a new and improved kitchen I’ve had moments of missing the old colours and ways of working in the kitchen.

I was surprised to learn that even small changes can be hard. If we ignore the emotions associated with them they don’t really go away – they can jump up and catch us off-guard.

We must not ignore the feelings of any loss that accompanies a journey of change – especially if it brings sadness. Instead we must attend to them, express them, share them so we feel heard and understood and not so alone in our journey.

At the same time we need to draw closer to God seeking comfort and encouragement while looking for the good He is showing all around us. God is a good God and He has unique ways that can bring us hope and joy.

We need to grieve but also celebrate what we can’t quite see yet.

Sadness, praise, and joy can coexist, but it often needs to find hope along the way.

Examine our Perceptions and Anticipate the Future:

Frustration is a common emotion with any kind of change. It can make us feel annoyed, impatient, and even act out of character. It’s important to listen to our inner dialogue and watch for when we are acting out of character because of our circumstances.

When we face a journey filled with messy emotions, pain, suffering, and grief it is helpful to have a practice that can help maneuver through it.

The one thing I have learned is to practice is:

• observe my behaviour;

• listen for my inner dialogue;

• pray for wisdom as I reflect;

• identify the emotions – give them a label;

• check to see if my perception is really accurate (or not);

• acknowledge the challenges in the journey while also recognizing I’m doing my best in these circumstances;

• ask for help, do some self-coaching, deep breathing, and either take time or make the necessary adjustments (I call this “my reset”);

• apologize quickly when necessary.

Finding helpful ways to help reset ourselves is an important self-management tool to have in our back pocket.

The power of praise and worship music helps me reset quickly, because it can lift my spirits and my eyes off the mess and onto a hope-filled future, often reminding me of God’s promises being fulfilled in the future and through his people around me in the present.

What helps you reset?

Embrace Life by Looking Forward with Anticipation:

Embracing the life we have, today, can bring us into a place of living in the present and help us step into embracing a hope-filled future.

It’s so easy to see the messiness all around us.

Earlier this week, we emptied every single cupboard onto to spread-out bedsheets on our living room floor (we have a 14x16 -foot kitchen filled with upper and lower cupboards on both sides). We needed to empty them all out so the workers could bring in the very long-cupboard counters and they needed more space to maneuver through one specific door to the kitchen.

Needless to say, everything was in turmoil and in disarray and I started to get overwhelmed by having to sort through everything a second time and put it away again. Yet, when I was able to take my eyes off the mess and overwhelm of having to move everything twice, I was able to remind myself of our dream-filled vision of the upgraded kitchen and realized that this is part of the transition the mess is just the beginning of a new journey and a new way of living.

How do we look forward with anticipation?

Choose Gratitude:

Sometimes when we are dealing with big life challenges it can feel like we are taking one step forward and two steps backward.

When we focus only on the steps, we can become discouraged, especially when there are delays and setbacks because in every life journey they can and will happen.

Cultivating the skill of gratitude helps. Not just when things go wrong but when things go right too. As we train our brain to look for good, we see more good. I think our brain is naturally wired to see the dangerous parts of life so it can keep us safe, but when all we see is danger our outlook is to see it everywhere.

With a Little Help from our Friends

When our kitchen renovation was in the early stages, we knew we needed extra help – some from friends and some from professionals. It’s often the same for difficult life journeys.

None of us are meant to do life alone – sometimes we need scaffolding - a little help from our friends. Often the help is temporary because as we heal, we become stronger and more independent. But it isn’t a sign of weakness to ask for help. It actually requires courage and vulnerability. When we do ask for help, we are often blessed by the response allowing others to show us how much they care.

Life is a Combination of the Old and the New. We Must be Open to Welcoming Both.

There are times when we can get so frustrated with what we are facing we throw up our hands and tell ourselves – everything is over, it’ll never be good again. Yet that isn’t completely true.

As my kitchen changes before my eyes – I can see the older cabinets and am glad I kept them because the quality is still there bringing strength, sturdiness, and resilience from years of careful use. The cabinets bring a foundational strength to accommodate the activities we have in our kitchen, and able to adjust to additions and changes in use.

Tough journeys are much the same. We change because of what has happened to us, but the foundational parts of who we are still are there – the parts of us that persevered, hoped, had faith, found courage and determination, opened up to being vulnerable.

Undoubtedly when tough life crises arrive much in us changes - our outlook, our focus, our purposes, etc. and it often causes a reframing of our identity, purpose, and ideas of who we are and who we are meant to be.

Just about everything in my kitchen has been rearranged, and as I look around me I notice how everything looks and feels different. It will take me a few tries before I remember where the “new” home is for my wooden spoons or baking trays.

I might even go looking in the old spot only to realize that they’ve moved – until I remember I’m in a new kitchen.

Adjustment to anything new takes time – but adjustments do eventually come.

We must Remember to Trust the Transition Process:

There may be areas where we are still going to need new adjustments and have to make more changes. We may fall, fail and forget, or even long for what was, and may even become fearful and unsure of what it is we are doing because it feels different than before.

All of the changes leave with me a unique mix of the old and the creation of space for the new opportunities to add their new touches. It will be a unique environment where I can enjoy being and find peace, joy, love and welcome.

When I went through my counselling internship my supervisor kept reminding me “trust the process” and I think this advice kept resurfacing in my own journey with cancer and an autoimmune disease.

When bad things happen in life there is often a process of healing, reflection, and resetting required.

Bit by bit I learned adjust, grow, and find new opportunities to live life in new ways.

In summary:

Although, to some readers, it may be silly to compare a kitchen renovation to a tough life story, like yours or mine where I faced cancer or an autoimmune disease because we know they far from fair or equal comparisons to a kitchen renovation.

However, the process of going through a renovation continued to remind me of some of the lessons I learned that helped me build an inner resilience to keep on trying to accept my circumstances of stage III oral cancer, surgery and the recent diagnosis of an autoimmune disease that can be exhausting, crippling, and painful.

I’ll take the insight where and when it comes to me! I often need reminders to continue to practice living with resilience and to never forget some of the basics that I needed to overcome a life-change because I realize that as we age we’ll be presented with more change and losses to deal with.

I learned to grieve my own losses, embrace the unwanted limitations, and welcome the hope of a better future because I believe deeply that this is not the end of my story, it is just the beginning of something new.

Most importantly I get to participate in the writing the rest of that story with God who is the original author of my story and yours.

It is an invitation into which God invites each and every one of us.

I hope that you, dear reader and friend, will find the same.

The 10 Key things I learned:

1. Change means the previous normal never fully returns - expecting it can keep us stuck.

2. What grows from loss can bring a richer and more meaningful life if we are open to it.

3. The future can be an opportunity filled with anticipation when we choose optimism.

4. The mess is not the end, just the beginning

5. Gratitude is a way of being - our brain sometimes needs our intentional help to find good.

6. Delays and setbacks can and will happen.

7. Sometimes we need scaffolding - a little help from our friends.

8. When things change it can sometimes feel like someone has thrown out the baby with the bath water and we feel the instability of the unknown future. If we look closely, we can see that the best, strongest parts are still there, and they can become the foundation to hold what is new.

9. Trust the process

10. Join God in rewriting the story.

Praying for you, dear readers, this day.

Fern

p.s. We still must paint the cupboards, have tiling installed, and install the new window, so I’ll post another photo next month after it’s all done!

Support a Canadian 🇨🇦 Author!

If you’ve read the book and would like to encourage me, you can encourage others to read my book too. You can help by doing any of the following. I’d be honored if you’d consider these options:

1. Write a short review on Amazon.ca or Amazon.com.

2. Share my newsletters with friends.

3. Tell leaders at your church about the book.

4. Buy two copies and give one away to a friend.

5. Encourage your book club to read the book. If you want a zoom visit from me at your book club – just send me an email to enquire about my availability.

Did you know that when you help promote the book you are actually giving support toward cancer research? Any of the book proceeds I receive are donated to the Cumming School of Medicine at the University of Calgary associated with Researchers and Doctors from the Foothills Hospital/Arthur Child Comprehensive Cancer Centre, Calgary of Alberta. CANADA 🇨🇦

These days, I’ve been wondering about sympathy, empathy, and compassion and am curious about what makes us choose one over the other and are our choices based on our experiences or lack thereof?

Last month, for fun, I held a poll to satisfy my own curiosity about the meaning we make and take from these words (please note, this is not official research or evidence in any way shape or form but is only to serve my own curiosity) and thought it would give me an interesting topic to muse about.

The Poll

In my last blog post I asked some of my readers which they’d prefer to receive –sympathy, empathy, or compassion – if they were facing a journey of suffering. I also enquired which they’d prefer to offer someone - sympathy, empathy, or compassion.

This is how they answered for:

1. What they’d prefer to receive if they were suffering:

• 40% wanted to receive Empathy

• 60% wanted to receive Compassion

2. What they would prefer to offer to someone suffering:

• 41% would offer Empathy

• 59% would offer Compassion

The one thing that didn’t occur to me, until afterwards, was to include the term “avoidance” or “doing nothing” when faced with someone’s suffering.

Yikes!

We don’t often think of avoidance as an option and tend to throw around terms like sympathy, empathy, and compassion instead. But if we are really honest with ourselves, we could probably add avoidance as the fourth on the list – because let’s face it, it does exist.

Poll Reflections

The one thing I did notice was that the definitions for these words seemed to hold different meaning for those who responded, leading me to believe that the expectations and reasons for choosing one over could also be different.

I think that the key in knowing which options we may use, in any given circumstance, takes some reflection, self-awareness, and understanding of the context, relationship, as well as our values, limitations, and boundaries, etc., not to mention our personal motives which all influence how we make choices and follow-through on them.

Humans are such complex beings!

My first-hand experiences with sympathy, empathy, and compassion make me wonder if these are characteristics we learn to express through education and practice and if they are related in some way to one another.

Starting with my Definitions

I’m going to attempt to share my own definitions that I’ve come to understand and would challenge you to wrestle with your own definitions as well.

Words mean different things to different people. Somehow, someday, maybe together, we can find greater clarity about these in particular.

Here we go…

SYMPATHY: This is something we offer to the one suffering because we feel pity or sadness for their suffering.

Our Goal: Is to let the sufferer know we have a level of concern “for” their suffering.

Focus: This is when we let our feelings of concern motivate and direct our response in a very limited, arms-length way.

Example: Sending a note, card, or verbally expression that we are sorry for their suffering.

EMPATHY: Includes offering sympathy as well as a safe empathetic presence. As we build an inner awareness or understanding of another’s experience, through the act of being empathetic with them, it gives the suffer an opportunity to be seen and heard, by a safe other who acts as a witness to their journey of suffering.

Goal: Is to understand and share “in” the sufferer’s feelings through active listening skills.

Focus: This is when we try to uncover details of the sufferer’s experience through listening, understanding their experience, and connecting with their feelings.

Example: Visiting someone over coffee, listening to their story, being emotionally moved, and acknowledging that their journey is difficult. After the coffee time, you may part ways with no motivation to relieve their suffering in any way.

Challenges: Unskilled empathy with non-reciprocal dialogue, over-emotional responses, judgment, or unsolicited advice-giving, can may make the sufferer feel unsafe or vulnerable due to unwanted probing, story comparisons, lack of healthy boundaries, trite, dismissive responses, negativity, or unwanted advice, etc. The focus is on the listener acquiring information in order to experience the sufferer’s emotions without helping in any way to relieve the suffering. This type of experience may inadvertently leave the sufferer feeling worse. The visitor may be here one day and gone the next leaving the sufferer wondering if they ever really cared or just wanted to pry for information.

COMPASSION: Includes offering sympathy, acting as an empathic presence, along with an offer of compassionate action, by being moved to meet some of the needs of the sufferer. The one offering compassion is willing to be moved or allows themselves to be motivated to respond in some compassionate way to relieve the sufferer’s suffering – be it through a small or large action. It involves a level of effort or self-sacrifice that means putting the sufferer first over their own needs.

Goal: Is to be “with” the suffer in their journey, offering some kind of help (small or large) to relieve their suffering in some way for a duration of time.

Focus: Uncovering a way to meet a need of the sufferer, helping through a personal sacrifice (time, resources, skill, etc.) with no ulterior motive for personal benefit.

Example: Offering to do a grocery run for them because they feel ill. Extending an invitation to go for a walk and talk with a friend needing connection and bringing a meal with the intent to lighten their load.

The next thing I wondered is - how do they fit together, or how do we choose one over the other – both as the giver and the receiver.

As I reflected, I realized I’m more likely to offer empathy and sympathy when I feel confident in how I can approach someone suffering. In my case, that seems to have increased as my life experience with suffering increased.

The simple fact is that I’m much more compassionate now than I was before I became a cancer survivor or autoimmune warrior.

Isn’t that interesting.

Consider This Chart

I compiled this chart mostly out of my own experience and curiosity about why we do what we do when we are responding to someone facing suffering. It wasn’t long before I noticed that when my life experience is low or I’m fearful about a person, the situation, my reaction, or level of anticipated commitment, etc., I might avoid responding. However, if my life experience is greater, I may still be a bit fearful to do anything except express sympathy.

Yet, because of my own journey with suffering, I find that now, I’m more confident to step out and offer empathy, as well as compassion because I remember clearly how much I appreciated receiving such care myself and how greatly it impacted my journey of healing.

Without that care I wouldn’t have done so well.

Since I don’t want anyone to walk a journey of suffering alone, I like to offer empathy and compassion when I am able to, and when it is appropriate to do so.

Simply put, this is why I believe our responses are influenced by our life experiences, emotional responses, and maybe even our values, relationships, faith, and calling, just to name a few.

What do you think?

Imagine the Impact

Then I began to wonder if sympathy, empathy, and compassion could be put side by side along a spectrum of skills, that can be learned, and when we authentically learn we have the potential for some personal growth and formation.

Imagine the impact we could have on others (and ourselves) if we were to become intentional about building our skills in order to grow and develop expressions of sympathy, empathy, and compassion to our fellow mankind.

The impact could be immense and bring a much different experience for us.

These days, many of us are so busy with work, family, and other responsibilities that influence our availability to respond to others in need. Busy-ness influences which character quality we offer the ones suffering. We respond with sympathy alone, when our responsibilities and commitments are full. We may want to be thoughtful but don’t really have time to get involved.

However, when there is time, and when we are not stuck by fear, and more confident with what to say, we may choose empathy without any long-term commitment.

When we choose compassion we choose, with intentionality, to make time, entering into the messy circumstances with the sufferer’s situation, experienced or not, walking alongside the one who is suffering, with the selfless goal of trying to lessen the burden for them in some way – small or large without expectation of personal benefit. This is founded in love for mankind. (Matthew 22:36-39)

Those of us who participate in this kind of caring see their lives as a response to a deeper calling on their lives.

The Call for Intentionality

So how do we learn, grow, and move along that line of cultivating sympathetic, empathetic, and compassionate characteristics so that we learn to be intentional people embracing a life of compassion because God calls us to love one another?

If we wish to acquire characteristics that impact our world, we must be intentional about how we do it by releasing our expectations, holding our hands out willingly to be used mightily for the benefit of others.

It is said that hindsight is 20/20 once we have experienced tragedy, heartache, loss, or other kinds of suffering. Rather than waiting for a situation to just show up and learn as I go, I’ve decided to be more intentional and have learned to ask myself hypothetical questions that help me consider how I’d like to respond should a situation present itself.

1. Consider my responses in advance.

• If my family member were to be in need, how would I respond?

• If a work colleague were to be in need, how would I respond?

• If a close friend were to be in need, how would I respond?

• If an acquaintance were to be in need, how would I respond?

We have many options available to us. Avoidance, sympathy, empathy, or compassion.

Consider what a non-response reflects about the core of our character. Perhaps it’s fear, or anger, or resentment, doubt or shame. Each of us needs to wrestle with this one.

A great question to ask ourselves is:

Another one is:

I think that responses of sympathy, empathy, and compassion come when we allow our hearts to be broken by what breaks the heart of God. We are putting another person ahead of ourselves, our emotions, and maybe even our pride or baggage.

After seeing little children suffering in Korea, a man by the name of Bob Pierce founded the well-known Samaritan’s Purse ministry in 1970 with the following prayer

I clearly recall reading this prayer on a wall plaque, as I sat in the reception room at Samaritan’s Purse Canada, over 25 years ago. It has always stuck with me, and I have prayed it regularly for myself over the years and believe that it has formed much of who I want to be as a person.

Perhaps this prayer resonates with you too. May I challenge you to join me in praying this prayer while waiting with expectancy to see how God will show us where we need to be placing our focus, goals, and responses when we are faced with someone who is suffering in our sphere of influence.

What About our Motives?

I also like to double check my motives when I’m faced a decision to make about how much I can offer to help. I ask (and challenge myself about the influence my thinking, my emotions, my responses, and my actions have on my attitude and what I choose):

1. Am I choosing to act with sympathy, empathy, or compassion? Which is most appropriate given my history with this person?

2. If I am choosing to not act, ignore the situation and the person, I have to remember that the act of ignoring sends a strong message – usually a very negative and hurtful one. Is this the kind of message I want to send, or do I need to leave pride, judgment, and unforgiveness recognizing that forgiveness and compassion is more important when someone is facing suffering? What is it I need to release to step into what God is calling me into?

3. What is it I want to be known for?

If I choose sympathy, how can I best do this in a loving way?

If I choose empathy, where is my focus? On the sufferer or myself? How can I change this to be more supportive and person focused?

If I choose compassion, where is my focus? Will this act of compassion require a practical act that I can do, that may also be a sacrifice on my part? Will I be able to follow through or do I need to make a change elsewhere in my life so I can follow through?

Then we must also ask ourselves, if this were me suffering, what would I prefer to receive: sympathy, empathy, or compassion and ask yourself relevant questions using the 5 W’s – who, what, where, why, and when? When we are able to put ourselves in the shoes of another person it can give us a great deal of insight if we let it feed into our decision-making process.

Reminders about what God Teaches

One additional thing that I like to remember is what God teaches us:

• We are all made in the image of God.

• God is a good God and as God of compassion and kindness.

• He teaches us to bear one another burdens (Galatians 6:2)

• He teaches us to love one another, be kind and compassionate to one another (Ephesians 4:32, 1 Peter 3:8))

• He has sent us a great model of the kind of people God wants us to be, through the birth, life, death, and resurrection of Jesus Christ ,in how we are to be an instrument of love and to care compassionately for one birthed out of a heart of love.

On a Personal Note

As a stage III oral cancer survivor (now 4 years cancer free), followed by pre-melanoma spots of skin cancer, and now an autoimmune disease warrior, I can confidently say that I was impacted by each of these: avoidance, sympathy, empathy, as well as compassion through my own journey with suffering.

I was grieved and hurt by a select few who ignored me and my suffering without any word – especially by those whom I had known closely for many years, and whom I had previous supported many times in the past.

With many others, I felt much kindness from those who sent me a word or note of encouragement through their acts of sympathy. I’ve kept their words and cherished them.

A smaller group of friends were brave enough to sit with me, walk, and talk with me while offering empathy with healthy boundaries. There were others who tried the empathy route but left me feeling bruised by a barrage of probing questions that made me feel like an object or was being judged. I was able to use clear boundaries with these folks, by not offering them a second opportunity to meet with me alone.

The smallest group of those who responded were the ones who responded with loving compassion. It made their contact with me healing. They were part of my healing journey. Their small, medium, and large thoughtful acts of caring impacted me in immeasurable ways that made me feel loved, supported, and cared for then, and still do now.

This last group of people have become my inner circle where I feel safe, heard, held, supported, and loved. Each uniquely displayed compassion in different ways, but what was common across each one was that they were consistently supportive and present when they could be.

It was their love and support that held me up in the darkest days of my journey with cancer.

They stewarded their relationship with me well.

Moses and His Friends

I love the story of Moses in Exodus 17:12 with the image of him standing there with his arms held high. Where when he grew tired his friends brought a stone for him to sit on and then held up his hands so that when he became weary and likely to give up and lower his hands, they held his hand up so that they could win the battle they were fighting…

I wonder how Moses felt. When his weariness took over and his arms came down and the battle took a turn for the worse, yet when his friends helped him hold up his arms the battle changed for the better. It’s a beautiful image of coming alongside someone in need.

In my case, because my whole cancer journey (surgery, treatment, and recovery) was is in the midst of covid isolation restrictions I felt the loneliness and vulnerability more acutely but I also felt great support from some good friends that stood in the gap and helped hold me up in prayer, encourage me through emails, calls, messages, cards, devotions, and even thoughtful gifts. They were present in heart and spirit even though not all of them were physically present. The fact that they showed up made all the difference.

The words that I received were filled with love, thoughtfulness, compassion, and prayers by my friends and family who held both my and my husband’s hands up through the most challenging of days. We couldn’t have done it without them.

I think a journey with suffering is like that.

We need our friends in the battle with us – no matter the final outcome. Because it is our body, soul, and spirit that needs to be kept strong in traumatic journeys, and great losses when they involve health issues like cancer. And, yes, of course we can receive supernatural healing, but there are times where God chooses to heal through his faithful people – body, soul, and spirit.

What I found most surprising was how my friends expressed how they grew and were influenced because of being part of my journey.

That’s what happens.

We get all caught up in trying to be a good friend offering sympathy, empathy, and compassion and forget that maybe this journey alongside the person in need is just what God wants for us for part of our transformation and growth too, and that we can be an answer to our own prayer just by being their friend.

I learned this first-hand myself.

As I was recovering, I had a friend who was dying of cancer. I had known her for many years and our daughters were childhood friends. When I heard her cancer had returned, I asked my daughter to check with her friend if her mom would be okay if I called her because I knew what it was like to be in isolation. I got a quick “YES” back. So, we began texting about all sorts of things comparing treatment side effects, recipes, family updates, and chuckled over the memories of some of our recreational outings. Well, eventually her treatments stopped working and within a few months she went to be with the Lord.

This is the reflection I included in my book about this experience.

“Only after she was gone did I come to learn that I was one of the few women with whom she had connected through the last few months of her life. This is an honour I will always cherish. And it’s a valuable lesson for me to never, ever assume I have nothing to offer. It’s not true that I can’t offer help just because I don’t know what to say. I can encourage another person even through a simple call, prayer, text, or meal.”

Buszowski, Fern E.M., “Embrace Life, Embrace Hope”, Word Alive Press, 2023, pg. 128)

I had been little bit more than shocked because I thought she would have had friends all around her like Moses did to help hold her up. I realized that if I had not listened to God’s prompting for me to reach out and call her and to put my discomfort aside because I didn’t know what to say or do then I wouldn’t have been able to make a small difference in my friend’s journey especially during her last weeks on earth.

It’s a lesson I hope never to forget because I think we’re all called to be a beacon of hope to those God’s has brought into our lives – and those people include our friends.

We Were Made for Community

There is a purpose for our friendships, and they need to be stewarded well.

“Serving others in need normalizes our own needs when they arise. Suffering is a universal experience; no one escapes it. It cultivates compassion and love for one another. It’s a unifying experience that helps us to realize no one is immune from crisis.

Helping others is never a replacement for dealing with our own suffering, but it can become an outworking of compassion for our fellow man.

Most beneficially of all, it affirms that we need each other. We are made for community—a healthy environment of love that gives us an opportunity to sojourn with, encourage, and become a witness to others who are suffering. This is a healing, lifegiving, intimate gift of love, one to another.”

Buszowski, Fern E.M., “Embrace Life, Embrace Hope”, Word Alive Press, 2023, pg. 129)

Now, let me leave you with two questions:

• What is it you want to be known for?

• How are you stewarding your relationships/friendships?

Until next month friend,

Did you like reading these few excerpts from my book? Learn more about how to get your copy today of this Award Winning Book at a retailer near you!

Yet, soul care practices can help us through such times.

Today’s blog is about some of my favorite soul care practices that have helped me during times of unexpected chaos.

Be sure to comment and let me know what your favorite practices are for caring for your soul.

p.s. If you are new to this blog. WELCOME, I hope you enjoy it.

p.p.s Be sure to read to the end of this blog post for a brief POLL. I’d love to have your feedback about the following question: “If you are facing a difficult time in life (illness, job loss, death of a loved one, etc.) would you prefer to receive “empathy”, “compassion” or “sympathy” from someone? Why?”

Navigating the Storms

Chaos creates an unsettled environment and it can create unsettledness in us that distracts us from focusing on our purpose. When such times threaten to overtake us we need to have a strategy and some practices to help us get back to a sense of calm and purpose.

One thing I have practiced for many years that helps me stay focused is choosing a Word of the Year.

Each year I select a word of the year (WOTY) and this year my word is “PEACE”. This is such a meaningful annual practice for me, I even wrote a blessing about it for those who also follow this practice.

If you’d like to see it visit it on facebook here! and if you’d like to practice choosing a word of the year, it’s never too late to start. I invite you to visit my last month’s blog post and scroll down for the .pdf that is attached. I originally posted it just for January, but I’ll be leaving it up for another week and I’ll take it down at the end of February. The post is entitled “What’s Everyone Talking About for 2025?” Check it out here.

Please know that this word came to me, not without some surprise, because peace is something I intentionally try to regularly cultivate, especially when I’m facing difficult situations.

Let’s face it. I’m a chaos avoider – calm is how I like it.

After I got through cancer surgery and treatment a few years ago, I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease that seems to have a mind and purpose of its own. Who knew that stress could make it flare, so to stay out of excruciating pain and exhaustion, I aim for calm and peace daily!

What’s Trust Got to do With it?

However, when circumstances threaten to overwhelm us, our peace can easily fly out the window.

So how in the world do we cultivate peace when everything around us seems to be threatening our “normal”, whether it be the normal in our relationships, our workplace, family, health, or elsewhere in our plans, and our expectations?

Not too long ago I was faced with the novel idea that peace is tied to our ability to trust and embrace the overarching story of God – one that is filled with much purpose and hope.

Trusting God and His overarching story means to learn to accept the things that we are unable to control even though we may want a different outcome. Why? Because we can’t see the full story behind our circumstances because God is still writing it.

I’m not sure about you, but when circumstances are quickly going awry, and seem completely outside of my control, I have all sorts of controlling behaviors that show me I’m doing everything else except trusting.

Do you?

I think that, perhaps, since we’re unable to see the whole picture of the unfolding story we are living in, we feel like we need to jump in and help.

But in such circumstances, I wonder if are we helping God without being directed or invited to help.

But somehow, if we can hold back a moment, survey the situation, and remind ourselves that God is sovereign and in control we may be able to find ways to trust God in that moment instead of jumping in and taking over out of fear.

Too often we label the experience a good or bad and tend to forget that God’s way is often a third way of looking at life. This third way is very often a mystery and it requires that we trust God.

Trusting strengthens us for the journey.

Deep down I believe the strengthening of that spiritual muscle of trust helps trust grow more deeply in the future – just like a muscle strengthens with practice and can lift heavier weights over time. It may be true with us as well in the realm of trusting. The practice of trusting God in the little things may strengthen us to choose to trust when those big unwanted times show up in our lives – which inevitably they do.

But we need to practice. Practice with the little things first.

This practice of trusting will help us build resilience, strength, and insight in how to remain steadfastly trusting through a period of challenge, loss, or suffering.

One way we can do this is to cultivate soul care practices that we enjoy because chaos and overwhelm affect us body, soul and spirit.

So how in the world do we do this?

Embrace Resilience as a Way of Life

What helps is to find ways to cultivate a soul care practice that draws us closer to God, to learn and know more about Him, His character, and purposes, and then begin to weave it into our daily life through gentle, consistent practice until it becomes a way that we live and see our world, and our circumstances.

Fern E.M. Buszowski, Embrace Life, Embrace Hope: Cultivating Wholeness and Resilience through the Unexpected”, p. 107)

Soul Care Practice Components

These four components relate to the wholistic care of our body, soul, spirit, and includes our social relationships.

I’ve listed a few of my favorites below, and as you read you may say these seem surprisingly simple.

I agree they are simple in many ways.

But then, why do so many of us forget to practice them?

I think it may be because when we are doing well, we can procrastinate and let these practices lapse. When they lapse, they no longer become ingrained in us as a way of living. And each time we have start over from scratch. And starting over feels a little painful – kinda like how we get sore muscles after a break from exercising our muscles after restarting a physical routine.

I try to think of soul care practices as a cleansing practice, like brushing our teeth. We faithfully brush our teeth several time daily and floss, because we are trying to cultivate healthy oral care. That regular practice is an investment in our health.

Soul care practices is one way we can invest in our health in wholistic ways – body, soul, and spirit.

Below is a brief summary of the components along with some reflection questions. You may recognize many of them; some may be new. The thing about soul care disciplines or practices is that there are many of them and it is good to try some out and see what resonates with you most.

Receiving in is important because often when we are distracted and concerned about something our minds and hearts become preoccupied and cluttered which can cause a level of uncertainty and anxiety.

Intentional moments where we choose to breathe, calm ourselves, notice our surroundings, and slow down are helpful because they provide a way to reset ourselves and our focus back on God and practice becoming more present to the moment and help prepare us to welcome a time of quiet and renewal.

1. Be fully in the present moment: notice what is around us that impacts our senses: sight, sounds, touch, smell, and taste.

2. Breath prayer: Breathe comes naturally, we breath in and breath out rhythmically and repeatedly. However being aware of our breath helps us recognize when it needs to be slowed down. Are we breathing shallowly, quickly? Slowing it down to a calmer, regular rhythm along with thinking, reciting, or contemplating a Scripture be it a word, passage, characteristic of God, or truth as we breathe in and out. Psalm 1 reminds us to meditate on God’s word “day and night”.

Reaching up. Circumstances have a way of consuming and draining our energy and attention – ultimately distracting us and leaving us feeling weak. During such a time, we can repeatedly draw our attention from our worries or circumstances to rest and focus on God and hope offered to us. Try beginning with a reminder of some of the characteristics of God, who He is, what He promises through the original story that He has been writing for our world since the beginning of time.

An example might be:

God is a good God. (Psalm 34:8, Isaiah 41:10)

He is love. (1 John 4:7-12)

He promises to make good of all things. (Romans 8:28)

He has a plan for us. (Jeremiah 29:11)

God brings peace. (John 14:27)

Try ending with a word of gratitude about God’s character of goodness and love.

Reflect and release. During this time, sitting quietly is a helpful practice to help quieten our mind and refocus by considering how our circumstances are impacting us. It’s helpful to do a bit of a scan of the impacts on our body, soul, spirit, and relationally.

Note: This part is not a one and done thing. We need time to process and gain new insight. It may take us weeks or even months to keep practicing this reflecting and releasing through challenging days. Each time new awareness can bloom.

Body – What is your Body telling you?

1. Listen for what your body is telling you. Is it telling you that you are overwhelmed? Ask yourself, what’s one thing I need right now that would help?

2. Try moving your body and get outside for a walk in nature as part of this reflecting and releasing time.

Soul – What is your soul (mind, emotions, etc.) telling you?

3. Find a way to reflect and release what is rolling around inside your head that is keeping you distressed, sleepless, on edge, etc.

a. Checking in to see how much time you are “dwelling” on that topic. Ask yourself, how much time do I want to spend on this?

b. Journaling is a great way to do a brain dump to release the clutter or see it with a different perspective.

4. Write a lament. A lament allows you to share your heart, fears, worries, etc. I encourage you to try reading through the psalms and find one (or bits and pieces of different ones) that might help you with the words to write into a lament. A lament is a great follow up to journalling.

5. Many experts tell us that humans are naturally wired to pick up on the “negative” side of our circumstances. In order to combat this we must intentionally practice embracing gratitude for what we do have: e.g. for the relationships we cherish, activities we can do, etc. and recognize that, although we are facing unwanted circumstances, we also have good all around us. The good and bad often coexist. However, we seem not to see, or look for, the good unless we are intentional about it.

a. Keeping a record of what we are grateful for can be a great reminder.

b. A practice of sharing what we are grateful for at a mealtime with family can also be a great sharing time.

Spirit – What is your Spirit telling you?

6. Regularly take time to be silent with God. Listen.

7. Select a verse or two from the Bible that helps you. Consider it. Mediate on it, write it out or incorporate it into a breath prayer. Take some time to write a few verses that you can pull out quickly to read over when you are on the go.

8. Read through some of God’s promises and remind yourself of His mission, purpose, and who He is and whose you are.

9. Pray regularly. Prayer can be done in a quiet place, you can write a heartfelt prayer at the end of your journal, or you can also practice praying unceasingly as you go through your day.

Relationally – What are your relationships showing you?

10. Reach out for your relationships – both with God and with safe people who encourage, support you, and want the best for you. Try to get connected in a way that will bring you the ability to be heard, seen, and loved.

Reaching out . Our society impresses independence as a sign of strength, rendering us reluctant to ask for help because we tend to see it as a sign of weakness. However, the act of asking for help is more of an act of courage where we offer our vulnerability to another for support, love, and care.

We are stronger together – in community.

When we connect and share with safe people (family, friends, professionals), and the response is helpful and supportive, we feel seen, heard, and loved. Best of all it facilitates the healing journey.

The other way we can reach out, especially when we are feeling stronger and more resilient, is to reach out to others who may be facing similar circumstances with a word of encouragement. By offering our hand towards others dealing with some of the same circumstances we bring hope to them because we, ourselves, have experienced a similar journey and can speak into their lives with understanding and compassion (2 Corinthians 1:4).

Best Practices

There is no specific or perfect way to practice the disciplines of “Receiving in – Reaching up – Reflecting and Releasing – Reaching out”, but over time, as we try out different exercises, cultivate these practices, it helps us find a kind of peace and rest with our circumstances that only God can show us. We are invited to find rest in his presence, it is a kind of rest that renews us (Matthew 11:28-30)

As we enter into that place of rest through our soul care practices something new grows – trust. That trust has the ability to strengthen our resilience, perspectives, and insights about God’s overarching story and see how God is at work in our own stories.

This spiritual resilience of trusting God, His purposes and ways bring us a kind of steadfast, enduring hope that helps sustain us through the most challenging of days.

We all tell ourselves stories. Let’s tell stories about hope.

An Award Winning Read!!

Just last week, I was awarded a Bronze medal at the Illumination Awards for 2025 for my book Embrace Life, Embrace Hope in the Christian Living category. Previously in December 2024, it was selected in 2024 as one of the top three finalists for Canada’s The Word Guild also in the Christian Living/Spiritual Formation category.

If you’d like to read more about my story and more about how soul care practices, and learning how God originally created us to be whole, helped me walk through the difficult storm facing stage III oral cancer, please check it out here on my website.

Here it is! The Poll I promised - I’d love your opinion!

Sometime in the next several weeks, I’ll be writing a blog about our understanding of sympathy, empathy, and compassion and how it affects our behavior. I’ve been doing some reading on it and am finding interesting differences, preferences, and outcomes, and it has spurred me on to asking you these two questions:

First this one!

and…now this second question:

Thanks so much for your participation. It means so much to me. Don’t forget to share your “why” in the comments below!

If you know someone who might find this blog interesting to read, please share it and invite them to come and join in.

Share Cultivating Wholeness Along the Way

Have a wonderful month!

When we are facing difficult circumstances, be it making a difficult decision, facing chronic health issues, second guessing ourselves, figuring out purpose and calling, relationship conflicts, loss of a loved one, an unwanted health diagnosis, family challenges, caregiving responsibilities, work, or community frustrations, they all tend to throw us into a kind of storytelling turmoil that keeps us stuck.

They hand us storyline prompts that we finish, embellish, and ruminate over squelching the dreams we hold in our heart. They might sound like this:

• Your dreams and goals don’t matter.

• You’re not enough.

• You’ve no control over what goes on in your life.

• You can’t do this anymore.

• It’ll never get better than this.

• You must’ve done something to deserve this.

• What you once believed – is it really true?

• Fill in the BLANK with your own storytelling turmoil prompt.

Unfortunately, turmoil and chaotic circumstances don’t usually tell the truth.

Instead, they offer up bald-faced stories and lies that we are fooled into believing because of our vulnerable state. When we are in a vulnerable state, we are no longer the “me” we used to be. We are an altered version of “me” who is experiencing a challenging time. Turmoil statements are powerful spewing disparaging messages that demotivate, discourage, and derail us to the point of doubting what we once believed to be true.

The result?

We get stuck in unhelpful patterns.

Vulnerable and Vulnerability

I took a moment to research “vulnerable” and “vulnerability”. Have you ever done that – checked out the history and meaning of a word? I’m not a grammar geek, nor a word geek but I do like to learn!

I regularly use an online tool called www.etymonline.com to gain new insights on some of the words used on a day-to-day basis. Every time my “assumptions”, that I once held, get busted!

There is a difference between these two words when I read about them at etymonline.

Vulnerable (adj) means that we can be wounded. This makes sense to me because we are human, finite beings and we can be wounded body, soul, and/or spirit because of our humanity.

Vulnerability (noun) is the state of being wounded. I think this is like the result of the wound, the thing we experience, and what it does to us body, soul, and spirit, leaving us weakened.

Why do I think this difference is important when we facing tough circumstances?

Well, I think there are two reasons:

1) Knowing that we are vulnerable as humans means that we can and will be wounded. In many ways, now that I’ve been through enough of life, and too many hard times to count, I’ve realized it may even be prudent to expect to experience wounding in life. Why? Because it is a broken world, and broken things can wound us and we can find ways to help cultivate a certain amount of spiritual resilience against them through the experiences of our practices, thoughts, decisions, and choices.

I like to keep in mind the fact that I am vulnerable to help me find ways to equip and strengthen myself along my life’s journeys. I can’t control everything, but I do have some control in life around some of my choices and willingness to grow, recognizing that there are limits to our human intentions.

This might look as simple as having some control over what activities I choose to involve myself in, whom I decide to associate with, and how I spend my time. These time investments can cultivate a type of strength in my perspectives, my ways, my faith, and environment that hopefully will help build some resilience in me, for any severely challenging times I may have to face, as well foster a heart of giving back in productive, helpful ways in my community.

2) When it comes to the state of vulnerability, I know I have the option to choose to wait and see what life challenges come my way and react off-the-cuff (which I know an abysmal fail), or I could anticipate some of the most common events that might come my way (like family member’s deaths, health diagnoses, caregiving responsibilities, relationship issues) and be curious about how would I want to respond should X, Y, or Z happen. I can even also imagine what kind of needs I might have given those scenarios and be curious about practices that might help me cope.

We plan for holidays, retirement, parties, other milestones don’t we? Why then, don’t we plan for when days are rough? Granted it’s not as fun, but it can be life-changing and help us step into times of growth, transformation, and purpose with curiosity and welcome when we face times of suffering.

Reacting vs Responding

I think in many ways the colloquial use of the word “reacting” is often recycled, redefined (read sanitized) from the word “overreacting”. Reacting is something we tend to do in response to an event of some sort, but it’s often used to describe more of an emotional or visceral, negative-type behavior in response to an unwanted event.

Whereas, “responding” is more of a thought-filled, mindfully controlled, response that is more objective and not driven by our emotions (something we’d all like to be able to do).

So how can we move from reacting (or overreacting) to responding?

There are several ways that have helped me over the years, but these are my top two (btw I had to learn the hard way, it didn’t come naturally, after being diagnosed with stage III oral cancer undergoing surgery, treatment only to be diagnosed with more cancer, syndromes, conditions, and illnesses – the most challenging I face regularly is my new lifelong “unwanted” friend – an autoimmune disease).

1) Equipping

I try to do my part in equipping myself by raising awareness of my needs – body, soul, and spirit on a regular basis and attending to them. To recognize when a need shows up, I first had to learn what habits get uncovered (yes, those unwanted, unsightly ones!) when I ignore my needs.

What helps is to practice building resilience into my life when I’m in a good place, so that when I face challenging moments, I can draw on those skills and practices to help me through.

I call these my “soul care” practices that relate to my humanity – body, soul, and spirit. They can help me be more grace-filled which is something I desperately want to cultivate in my life.

Examples:

• Acknowledging and naming what I’m facing is real.

• Meditating on a few favorite Bible verses.

• Listening to the stories I’m telling myself and sift for truth.

• Breathing.

• Journaling.

• Practicing Praying Scripture (along with breathing).

• Checking to see how present I am in any given moment (as opposed to being distracted).

• Reading inspirational devotions and/or books that fill up my heart.

• Self-care: sleep, nourishment, rest, community, exercise, etc.

I’ve dedicated a whole chapter to soul care practices in the appendix to my book, that was recently chosen by judges as one of the Finalists (1 of the top 3) in the Christian Living and Spiritual Formation category from the Canadian Word Guild (click on the link below if you want to learn more about it), here’s a quote:

“These activities help us develop simple easy-to-maintain habits that when practiced faithfully become a way of life. Therefore, when days of suffering eventually come, sometimes again and again, we’ll have developed a muscle of spiritual resilience that helps us to thrive without losing hope along the way.

These regular practices hone our ability to become more aware of what hinders and helps us on a daily basis or what might be a barrier to our walk of faith.”

(Buszowski, Fern E.M., “Embrace Life, Embrace Hope”, Word Alive Press, 2023, pg. 110)

When we can imagine spiritual resilience like a muscle we can practice releasing the heavy burdens and pick up things that strengthen us! But we must practice them. For it is in the quietness with God that we find peace, strength, and a steadfastness that can birth hope in us.

The biggest ah-ha moment I had during my cancer journey was when my surgeon told me our bodies were designed to heal. His gentle words reminded me about how God’s original story was for us to be whole. Whole in body, soul, and spirit. I was just looking being whole physically – a return to my previous state where I could swallow, chew food, and speak normally. When I stepped back, after realizing “whole” meant all parts of us, I was spurred on to continue practicing my soul care activities, and began the practice of embracing my life just as it was (and still is) and deepening my faith in the redemptive God of hope who can redeem anything – especially our perspectives.

Years earlier, I had faithfully immersed myself in many of these practices and taught them to others, not realizing that when I faced my own health challenges that they would become the lifeline of choosing wholeness and hope in new ways for a difficult journey.

I’ve learned that when we take time for own soul care – i.e. spending time with God along with cultivating helpful self-care practices it can affirm the gifts and talents God has generously equipped us with. In many ways it teaches us to be more open to transformation and growth and while ushering in peace and hope. It also gives us more confidence in sharing our journeys with others because we’re better equipped to help others who may face the similar struggles. We can share what we’ve learned through our challenges along with the comfort we’ve received firsthand (2 Corinthians 1:2-4)

2) Embracing our Value

Our value.

It has everything to do with our true identity.

Knowing our value includes knowing that we are not only loved, but lovable!

What we believe to be true about our value tells us if we are lovable or not.

The turmoil comments (way up at the top of this blog post) are just a few of the comments that send us messages that aren’t true. What they do is challenge the truth of our identity and value by derailing us with doubt.

Instead of bringing us hope when facing a difficult time, they bring shame and blame.

When bad things happen to us, the perspectives of who we are get influenced and tarnished by what the event seems to say about us (according to turmoil). They wash over us bringing us the kind of dark ugly shame that keeps us hiding from ourselves, from others, and sometimes even God while casting blaming onto ourselves or others. It’s a vicious cycle.

But there is another way to look at our difficult circumstances!

One of the first things we learn about God, in the Bible, is that He creates. He created the heavens, and the earth, and He created mankind. What He creates is good. He created us in His image. God is good, His image is good and His creations are good. He created us out of a heart of love and puts into us a spirit of love so that we can love others. He provides us with an opportunity to redeem the story of our circumstances.

When we learn more about who God is, His characteristics, His purposes, and ways, we actually can gain new insight about who we are and see ourselves more clearly and accurately.

“The crises we experience don’t define us. However, they can give us the opportunity to learn more about who we are, and Whose we are…”

(Buszowski, Fern E.M., “Embrace Life, Embrace Hope”, Word Alive Press, 2023, pg. 24)

So, what can we do?

Choose truth.

Choose goodness.

Choose love.

Choose to tenderly care for your soul.

Choose quietness with God.

Embrace your value as good, worthy, and enough (despite any circumstances we face).

Choose to fill your heart and mind with encouragement that acknowledges the challenges faced, and validates the difficulty of your journey,

Offer yourself grace for when you may fall down or feel like you are failing miserably.

Embrace self-compassion but not self-pity (there’s a difference).

Attend to your needs in ways that strengthen you to keep going day by day, moment by moment.

Reach out for safe community where your story can be shared, held, and seen.

If you feel stuck (there are days we all do) and need help, reach out for help from your church community, pastor, close friend, or professional.

I’ll leave you with one last quote from my book that I’d like you to contemplate…

“In moments when we’re hurting, suffering, or confused, I wonder whether the deep longings for wholeness might be God wooing us to Himself, inviting us into the healing journey that is His story for us.”

(Buszowski, Fern E.M., “Embrace Life, Embrace Hope”, Word Alive Press, 2023, pg. 36)

Praying for you today, dear friends!

p.s. My mother was an avid reader and there were always books and magazines around our house. One day I asked, “Mom why do you have so many books?” smiling she simply replied “I figure if there I find one good thing in a book, it’s worth buying”. Her comment has always stayed with me. I hope you find one good thing in here today – if you do, please share it a friend.

I want to know… what would you most enjoy reading in my blog?

I tend to write a blog every 1-2 months, post notes from time to time, and post on IG/FB every 2 weeks or so. A blog is a bit different and lately I’ve been curious, what would you prefer most to read here on this blog?

If there are any specific TOPICS not listed here (this poll only allowed me to list 5), please drop a suggestion into the comments. This way others can see and if they like the idea they can “like” it too! That way I can keep a good count on your interests. No guarantees but I’ll do my best!

I’M GRATEFUL FOR YOU!

THANK YOU! THANK YOU! THANK YOU!

As writers we don’t often get a chance to say thank you to our readers.

I know how precious your time is and how much discipline it takes to set aside time to read blogs that fill our email accounts monthly, weekly, or even daily. I struggle with this too!

So, a big Thank you.

Thank you for taking time to stop and read my blog/newsletter.

Thank you for your supportive responses and heart-felt likes.

Thank you for subscribing/following/visiting my blog.

Thank you for your comments or emails back to me telling me what my writing mean to you. This keeps me going.

I write because I care about those who take the time to read what I write.

I care about you because you have taken the effort and precious time to read my work.

I also assume that we are not really so different from one another because we all face good days as well as difficult days, are often stressed at the speed of the world around us and wonder where all the people are like “us” that seek goodness, peace, hope, contentment, and simplicity.

Thank you for being on this road with me.

Have you Heard?

Embrace Life, Embrace Hope: Cultivating Wholeness and Resilience through the Unexpected, was recently chosen by Canada’s “The Word Guild” judges as one of the Finalists (1 of 3 finalists selected) in Christian Living and Spiritual Formation from Canada’s The Word Guild.

Looking for Book Reviews:

If you’ve read my book, I’d be honored if you’d write a brief review ( just 2-3 sentences would be amazing) and submit it to Amazon (Canadian/USA - the thing with Amazon is that you must explain where you got a copy of the book if you didn’t buy it online through them), Goodreads, and/or at Focus on the Family

If you do write a review, be sure to let me know so I can say thank you.

One of the great things about a Word of the Year is that it isn’t about goal setting, todo’s, or achieving. It doesn’t require measurement, performance, or comparison – all it needs is our awareness of what is going on around us, in us, and through us.

Perhaps it is more of an aspiration or hope in how we’ll grow into better versions of ourselves – our original design – and is something that keeps us inspired and focused on long-term personal and spiritual transformation throughout the year.

I like the idea of a Word of the Year because I can’t fail at it like I might if I were to set a new year’s resolution (let me tell you I’ve broken many over the years) or a goal like daily exercise, or dieting, etc. because life and busyness can get in the way with resolutions not to mention, there is always a party to go to and goodies to eat!

I’ve been using a theme word or a Word of the Year as a focus since the early 2000’s. In the beginning the word seemed to pick me and I only noticed themes after they happened few years in a row. What I noticed was an awareness growing in me that had the same theme coming up month after month and how it impacted how I thought, felt, and behaved. As I look back over the years, I experienced themes like forgiveness, peace, harmony, etc. I also can see how they were characteristics of relational, personal, and spiritual things that influenced my own character growth and transformation. The kinds of things that God would grow in me.

Best of all I was growing in good ways.

Each year they were all good characteristics – all the good things I value and want to see in myself. There were times I didn’t display them, but slowly, over time, my awareness grew, and then I became more intentional, thoughtful, and prayerful about my responses.

Because I’m imperfectly human, I need to continue to cooperate with this growth and transformation because I have much more to learn.

The more I do learn, the more I realize I need to continue to learn and grow.

My Word of the Year for Last Year (2024)

Last year I chose “RESTORATION” for my word of the year for 2024.

Who knew that much of my year would be filled with so many ups and terribly painful downs requiring restoration of body, mind, and spirit.

Gifts of restoration spread gently through the year affecting my commitments, goals, and schedules, as my body, soul, and spirit found restoration through journey with a degenerative autoimmune disease that has a mind of its own.

It wasn’t long after my cancer surgery and treatments ended almost 4 short years ago when I began to experience a season of health challenges ranging from: Horner’s syndrome, Raynaud’s syndrome, an autoimmune disease - Rheumatoid Arthritis, Osteoarthritis, skin cancer (pre-melanoma), and neuropathy the side effects (like exhaustion, crippling pain, and loss of mobility).

Just living with an autoimmune disease means I’ve had to develop a new type of relationship with my impressions around health and wholeness, activity, exercise, pain, rest and the idea of balance.

Having a focus on RESTORATION through the year has brought much insight to my journey. It has kept me focused on living my life in the best way possible that brings joy and hope to my body, soul, and spirit – even on the days that bring difficulties and limitations.

Who knew that, even on the days I forgot to contemplate and focus on my theme word allowing joint pain, canes, braces, and limited mobility to push out hope and joy, God was still faithful in restoring me in many unexpected ways.

But I only noticed this theme when I looked back and reflected.

It is in the hindsight and reflection of the year where I can see those divine touches of God’s grace.

The simple word – RESTORATION – has brought many unexpected gifts into my life helping me find new ways to release what hinders me and embrace what brings hope.

• Gifts of quiet, simplicity and rest.

• The gift of the new awareness of human fragility.

• The gift of accepting what is and still finding joy in choosing alternatives.

• The gift of being vulnerable and sharing impacts of health with others and the challenges it brings.

• The gift of patience when others ask if my health (which is a lifelong, deteriorating disease, keyword “deteriorating”) is better as though it will magically clear up and go away like a head cold.

• The gift of compassion as I listen to other’s stories about dealing with cancer, autoimmune, or chronic diseases.

• The gift of self-compassion when I have to cancel a commitment because I can’t walk on that day or am too exhausted.

• The gift of tolerance with well-meaning, unhelpful inquiries about my health.

• The gift of gratitude for what I have and can do instead of chronically complaining about what I can’t.

• The gift of acknowledgment of grief that allows me to express my laments and helps me to feel seen and heard by God and safe others.

• The gift of embracing limitations that help me choose what I love to do most while releasing the rest.

• The gift of being a cheerleader, from the sidelines, for others and joining in their joy, activities, and accomplishments.

• The gift of attending to my needs when pain sends messages to me to stop, rest, rethink my day.

As I look forward to this next year of 2025, I’ve been reflecting on 2024, and have not just been praying for a word throughout this month but also a verse and a song that will be an encouragement to my body, soul, and spirit transforming me in ways that will bring encouragement to others along the way.

Yesterday it came to me:

My Word: PEACE

My Verse: “Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” John 14: 27 (NIV)

My Song: “PEACE” by Bethel Music

If you have done this kind of practice, I’d love to hear about your word and experiences, and also learn how you reflect on it through the year.

If this is a new concept for you… please come join me and try it out this year. I don’t think you’ll regret it!

Will you Join me?

Each year I share the process and some reflection question I use for choosing a Word of the Year (WOTY). It is filled with tips and ideas, reflection question, etc. I’ve made it available for FREE here on my blog post (available for the month of January 2025).

If you’d like to join in – let me know and I’ll pray for you throughout the year. Be sure to also let me what your focus word is!

One Important Tip!

Have you considered finding an accountability partner, friend, or group to adopt this practice together in community?

It’s a great way to check in with each other through the year to pray for one other, share stories, and grow, encourage, and spur each other on. I’ve found that the more I talk about my WOTY the more aware and encouraged I become.

Where to get your copy of the “Choosing a Word of the Year”

Just scroll down to the bottom of this post, just below my name, and you’ll see the the attached .pdf file.

Just click on “DOWNLOAD” to get your FREE .pdf copy of “Choosing a Word of the Year (WOTY)”. It is available for FREE for the month of January 2025.

May you be blessed.

FREE COPY OF “Discovering Your Word of the Year - Limited time available - for January 2025 only!

Discovering Your Word Of The Year 2025

160KB ∙ PDF file

Download

Download

”

Welcome to those of you who are new subscribers it is a special privilege for me to have you here! I hope you’ll enjoy receiving my blog.

It comes out regularly and will go directly into your email. Most often, I write a post every other month, and on special occasions I might write one monthly.

If you’d like to see more regular posts, please follow me on Instagram. You can find me at @hope.blooming or on facebook at: AtHopeBlooming

If you have a friend who might enjoy these posts, please be sure to forward this newsletter to them. There is a SHARE button at the bottom of this email.

p.s.

I’m just in the process of moving some of my older blogs from my website over to my new blog on the Substack platform. So, please be sure to browse through some of my previous posts and feel free to leave some comments.

It’s the Season

So much happens at this time of year as we walk through the season of Advent, celebrate Christmas Day, and make plans to usher in New Year’s. It can be a stressful time for most of us.

For some of us excitement is in the air, there is a flurry of preparations and activities as we anticipate family get togethers, travels, baking, and sharing together.

Yet, for many others, this season can stir up difficult childhood memories, losses of loved ones, loneliness, financial limitations, and relational regrets, just to name a few.

These memories can often bring challenging emotions or circumstances that are overwhelming and cause us to automatically react instead of stopping, pausing, and learning to make choices that can help us embrace new perspectives that bring glimmers of hope.

In my case, the closer Christmas day comes, so does a little cloud of melancholy – for you see it is a bittersweet time for me. When I was 32 my father died at dinnertime on Christmas day after a short battle with an aggressive lung cancer.

That’s the bitter part - the loss of a father on one of my favorite days of the year.

It took some time, but the sweet part is that I’ve learned to intentionally focus more on the birth of Christ than on the losses or sad memories this season brings. What helped me most was to remember all the good that I have experienced through the year, rather than focus only solely on what I have lost. Even though it is important to attend to our struggles, we must also look for what is good in our lives – both are important to do.

Lament the loss; embrace the good.

With practice and time, I learned to find new and meaningful ways of embracing the coming of Christmas day with how I celebrate the weeks of Advent. It is a time where I intentionally remind myself how the coming of Christ brings so much despite difficult circumstances or memories. Through celebrating Advent each week, I intentionally remind myself how God has ushered in hope, peace, joy, and love into our world through Christ’s birth.

So, as I anticipate the celebration of Christ’s birth on December 25^th, and what his birth means to the hope of our world I focus on these words – HOPE – PEACE – JOY – LOVE and how they have shown up in my life through the year.

These qualities may have presented themselves through a relationship, a comment, a word, an experience, a moment, a thought, an insight, a church service, a song, a touch, a piece of art, a text, a conversation, a friend, etc.

Why it’s important to Remember what Good is – Reaching Out for Connection

When we have experienced a time of suffering be it any kind of loss, loneliness, chronic illness, broken relationship, unemployment, cancer or some other unwanted health diagnosis, a financial crisis, or caregiving challenges, etc. we can easily get stuck focusing on the negative and on what we don’t have. When the negative is overwhelming our hearts and our minds, we can easily forget to look for anything good.

Yet when we can bring helpful new perspectives to these past painful experiences it can change our outlook and the way we walk through them. It isn’t in the ignoring or minimizing of a loss but processing it in a way that doesn’t keep us stuck. When we can acknowledge, accept, and attend to the challenges of our memories with safe others (like a good friend, qualified counsellor, or pastor, etc.) it can free up a bit of space in our mind to look for some good.

Good soul care and self-care, while attending to our struggles, and looking for the good, can help us gain new perspectives, experience interpersonal growth and resilience for the next steps in our life journeys.

Looking for Good

Each of us has a different approach in looking for good. I’d love to hear where you find your inspiration to look for good.

I’ll start – here’s my list of what helps me look for good and create space in my heart to see and receive good.

• Music and singing

• Watercolor painting

• Scripture (I remind myself of God’s promises)

• Quiet time and prayer

• An inspirational book

• Sharing my heart with a friend

• A book club discussion of a great read

• A good devotional book

• Walking my dog

• Writing and reflective journalling

• Educating myself about soul care activities that are helpful

• Volunteering and finding ways to give back

It is in the recalling of these “good” memories, along with reflecting on God as the ultimate source of these advent words HOPE – PEACE – JOY – LOVE, that remind me of the life-giving richness and promises that have come with a tiny little baby’s birth that that can bring so much goodness and life to us all.

It is my greatest desire that you will find much HOPE – PEACE – JOY – LOVE as you find new ways to embrace life this Christmas season.

Are you Choosing a Theme Word for 2025?

For many years, I’ve prayerfully chosen a theme word as my focus. It’s always been a growing experience filled with “aha” moments. I plan on doing the same for 2025, but not today – not right now.

I’ve decided to wait until January because I don’t want my theme word to feel like a New Year’s resolution.

I want my choice to be done with a prayerful focus and become something that I intentionally cultivate, embrace, look for, and live toward as I live out in my life through 2025.

For me, a theme word helps me in cultivate a way of living prayerfully and it is important to me that it not become a checklist, set of goals, or to-do’s because I know there will be days where I’ll forget and days I’ll have to hit the “reset” button and begin anew.

With it being so close to Christmas as well as the end of the year, I didn’t want to feel pressured to choose quickly without reflecting on how my 2024 year went. Instead, I’ve decided to start this process in January when I’ll be more rested and not so busy.

I figured this was okay (I don’t think there are any rules with a WOTY) because I’m of the mindset that theme words can be a yearlong or even seasonal based on a person’s unique stage, circumstances, and journey through life.

How about you?

If you are interested in joining with me, please put a thumbs up or drop a comment below.

IMPORTANT: If you leave your first name or initials, I’ll be praying for you by name as we prepare for our 2025 Word of the Year!

Hey! I’m Celebrating!

I’m so excited that my book, “Embrace Life, Embrace Hope” made it as a finalist in Canada’s World Guild for 2024. It made the finalist list as one of the top three books in the category of Christian Living and Spiritual Formation.

So if you are looking for an inspirational read please be sure to purchase a copy or give a copy as a gift to a friend.

Important Note: All my author proceeds are donated to Cancer Research.

Click HERE to see where you can purchase your copy!

For the first time ever, I attended a Christmas fair here in Calgary to sell some books and paintings for Cancer Research.

As an extra goody to say “thanks” to all those who stopped by to chat and sign up for my newsletter with their email, I prepared a package filled with some Christmas goodies and took names for a free draw.

We did select a winner! I wanted to announce that A.L-R had her name drawn for the Christmas Package! Congratulations – “A” I hope you enjoyed it!!

As I close, my heart prays for each person reading this. May you open your hands and hearts to receive much HOPE – PEACE – JOY – LOVE this Christmas season and in the new year ahead.

See you all in 2025!

Have you ever noticed that...

• Some days are just too much to handle. It’s those kinds of days where you wish you didn’t have just tough it out?

• We want to hang on tightly to our comfortable daily lives as though we believe we have control over them and expend all sorts of energy managing life so our normal can stay normal – especially when facing a season of suffering.

• We are willing to put on a good front by faking and pretending to be strong rather than be open, honest, and vulnerable about our current life challenges.

• When our vulnerable emotions respond to our circumstances and bring sadness, anger, frustration, or discouragement we often distract, avoid, or hide it from others and maybe even ourselves?

All because everyone (and maybe even we) might think we are weak or imperfect, or worse yet “not good enough” anymore because we are in a season of suffering. Because we secretly wonder to ourselves...

• What would people say?

• What would people think?

• They’ll jump to the conclusion that I’m...

• Would they still want me as a friend if they knew how weak I really felt?

• Will I be rejected if I ask for help?

• I don’t want anyone to see me like this.

• I should be able to...

It’s as though the answers we’d expect to get are filled with shame and our automatic responses are our human attempt to avoid having a slimy, dark blanket of shame thrown over us from others who might minimize or downplay our suffering. All because they can’t put themselves in our shoes to imagine what our suffering is like.

Yet, suffering is a universal experience. No one escapes it. We all suffer at one time or another in life. For some it is chronic, for others it may be dynamic showing up at unexpected times making us feel like it has a mind of its own leaving us overwhelmed, emotional, and exhausted.

If so many of us suffer, why is it that we all feel unseen, unheard, and alone in a season of suffering leaving us to deal with pain secretly or worse yet deny our own emotions because they seem so “big”?

I think it is because we believe we’ll be rejected in some way because of our experience or think the suffering is turning us into something weak or “less-than” and falsely believe everyone else is stronger or has it all together. Or we may believe that people will judge us and give us an unwanted label.

When we get labelled as a cancer victim, or sick, or some other label that describes our situation, then all the labeler seems to be able to see is the label instead of the real us, because we are more than our illness, condition, or circumstances. When others label us it can be a very shaming experience.

So what do we do as a result? We keep hiding. Keep faking it. We keep pretending we are stronger than we really are.

It's a vicious cycle that begins with believing a lie.

The result? We withdraw, remain silent, and struggle through instead of moving toward people and asking for and receiving compassion, support, or help when it’s needed.

If we do this with people, I wonder, do we also do it with God – move away when what we need to do is move closer?

When we move away from God or people, it makes us feel like no one sees our true journey of suffering that we are on leading us to believe that they may not even care about us or our value.

Consequently, we remain unseen, unheard, and unsupported because we are believing a lie.

It’s a slippery slope that can easily happen to us all, however, we may miss seeing it because we are so overwhelmed with information, shock, change, emotions, and managing circumstances and relationships.

Yet when we take the brave act of moving toward God and others we create the opportunity to be seen, heard, and supported and as our circumstances settle down creating a new kind of rhythm and change it somehow becomes a little more manageable and hope finds its way into our hearts more clearly as we look back and realize that a new normal is happening right before our eyes.

I can only speak about the impact of suffering has had on my own life as I faced health issues like oral cancer and now a daily chronic autoimmune illness that regularly brings me unwanted excruciatingly painful inflammatory flares leaving me exhausted and bedridden sometimes for up to days at a time.

What I hadn’t realized about seasons of suffering is that so much of me would change and so much of what I focused on and appreciate in life would change too. Surprisingly, it continues to change with a chronic disease that brings that dynamically shows up out of the blue taking me by surprise each time.

Although it is challenging, the change that bring new life focus, and is evolving in me, has much good and blessing in it.

Change, Hope, and Transformation

Change starts once we become aware of a need for change and find ways to accept our new life reality – challenging as that may be. As we find ways to accept it, or embrace it as I like to say, we are freer to step into a process of cultivating a new kind of normal. It may encompass some of what existed before, but it may also bring considerable newness into our lives.  

Newness and goodness. Loss and sadness too. They co-exist in a journey of suffering.

New perspectives. New relationships. New insight. New gratitude. New experiences. Loss, change, sadness, pain, and unwanted experiences. All mixed up together.

During this time, I’ve learned that the relationship we had before with our lives and our own selves needs to be reconstructed and reshaped because it requires that we develop a new kind of relationship with ourselves and our life.

Who I was before cancer and who I was before I came face to face with my autoimmune disease is different. I was different me than the me of who I am today.

Now I am a little more accepting, curious, and patient. Someone that can become open to new opportunities and new growth but also someone who can easily get triggered and upset when things shift and bring immense pain unexpectedly – because I am only human. Then as I remember, breathe, settle in, and refocus on the goodness of God and what I’m learning through suffering, I become accepting curious, and more patient. Yes, a little sad too. It is a journey. Within this journey there is suffering yet there is peace and joy when I refocus and look for hope along the way.

The caveat is that we must not let the pain and illnesses we face define who we are. They are an experience we are going through. Our identity is not defined by our circumstance nor our conditions. Those are unwanted labels that hide our true identity. They are more of a description of our experience, however, we must remember that we are much more than our experiences.

Even though life experiences have a way of changing and forming us they are not the true essence of who we are. God defines who we are because He created mankind in his image and that is very good. We are of great value because of who God is and because we are made in God’s image.

What I Need to Remember

We can’t always change our experiences but we do have a great deal of control over the kind of choices we make about the perspective we take on and how we’ll let any changes influence how we are being formed.

The healing in a journey of suffering requires that we look back and look forward. Looking back allows us to deal with the losses and the grief. Looking forward helps us step into a new kind of future that bring us hope and wholeness.

I am choosing to let my journey of suffering form me with hope while also grieving the losses.

Yes it’s hard.

Yes it hurts.

Yes I still face challenges.

Yes there’s loss, lament, and grieving required.

But there is also hope.

Hope in extending myself compassion for the journey.

Hope in recognizing and attending to my needs as I experience difficult days.

Hope in looking for the goodness all around me.

Hope in reaching out to God, family, friends, and my medical team(s) for support.

Hope in being seen and heard by others when I take a brave step of being open and vulnerable.

Hope in giving a word of compassionate encouragement to another facing a season of suffering.

Hope through my faith knowing that God is with me in the journey and is a great source of my strength.

Hope in knowing that God is good and He wants good for me as well.

Hope in being grateful for the little things: like a cup of tea, a beautiful song, a gentle word, an act of kindness from another, an encouraging note, a touch, warm sunshine of my face during an afternoon walk, the rustle of the leaves in the breeze. There are so many of these moments that we are often too busy to notice.

There is goodness all around me. I just have to look up and look around to see it.

I hope that in doing so it will bring me the gifts of wisdom, insight, and gratitude for the things I often take for granted. I hope it will continue to soften my heart in ways that transform my character to become sweeter, more loving, and open to others even as my condition deteriorates over time. 

I hope it will transform the me today more into the person that God originally designed me to be. I hope that it helps me release the baggage which makes my heart hard, or stubborn, bitter, or ornery. and instead open my hands and welcome my humanity, my emotions, my need for love, comfort, and encouragement especially on the most difficult of days.

What we need to have is an enduring kind of hope that is able to bring us a place of beautiful transformation through a difficult journey of suffering.

There’s meaning in that.

There’s even some purpose in that too as we learn to give it back to God and use it for His glory and to help others in their journey of suffering.

As we cooperatively work with God in transforming our minds and hearts along the journey of suffering, (while also lamenting and grieving our way through it – because we must acknowledge the difficulty in these journeys and attend to our needs), and get curious about what holds us back or keeps us stuck, a bit of a miracle happens – our character begins to change and we transform into more of who we were designed to be.

It’s a kind of transformation where the real me is more present. There is freedom in that. And also the transformation brings more of the fruit of the spirit into our lives: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control (Galatians 5:22-23)

So Where are you on This Journey?

Maybe you know you need help, or believe that you can’t handle things, or maybe don’t know where to turn for support or maybe you:

• are the one who is struggling with relationship problems.

• are facing a chronic health issue.

• have taken on unwanted life responsibilities that leave you feeling stretched too thin.

• have received an unwanted cancer diagnosis for yourself or a loved-one.

• feel stuck in the middle of caring for your kids while caring for your parents.

• feel stressed by a difficult co-worker or employer that you have to face daily.

• are grieving losses in your work, finances, homes, or even loved-ones.

• are experiencing unwanted changes in your life that bring frustration, betrayal, and losses.

• feel stuck and want to figure out how to face all these unwanted life experiences in a way that can help you be more resilient and thrive through them.

• aren’t sure how to describe where you are.

Know that you aren’t alone on this journey and there are ways to find help by reaching out and finding new ways to move through the journey through groups, medical support, caring friends, etc.

So What’s the Solution?

Is there really a “best way” of approaching these unexpected, and often unwanted periods of our life that we can’t change or fix?

Is there a way of living that allows us to embrace the challenging realities of life while also embracing the ones we want to celebrate?

I don’t have a quick answer, but I think it requires a willingness on our part to reach out for help and to learn a way of processing through our experiences in a way that allows us to hold our pain with a loving kindness, compassion, and patience for ourselves acknowledging that life is a journey and the story we are currently in is not finished being written.

It’s a way that requires that we reflect on our circumstances with curiosity, while embracing mystery. It requires that we be open to look around us and find some meaning in what we are living through. It’s a way that is cultivates living open hands, open hearts, curiosity and anticipation for the good to come. It requires that sometimes we need to ask for help, especially when we feel alone.

When we embrace life, in all its fullness, challenges, goodness, and pain, by learning new ways to process and cope with it, we become more human welcoming all the parts of us that often remain hidden. Through it we can come to experience life in a fuller way – one that encompasses the difficult journey of accepting that life includes suffering for all of us, and despite the pain and challenges it brings with it, it also has the potential to bring growth and hope.

It’s in the moments of challenge where we need to be compassionate and tender with ourselves in a healing journey, welcoming needs and responding to emotions and broken hearts and doing the hard work of accepting the reality of the “what is” through the tear-filled, gut-retching prayers of lament. We must also be able to recognize and welcome the good moments, good days, good seasons interspersed with the hard ones and remind ourselves that the good and the difficult can coexist - side by side bringing us hope along a difficult journey.

The last thing I’ll leave you with is that it requires trust. Trust in the goodness of God even when our circumstances say otherwise. This following quote is something that I learned through my cancer journey and recovery.

“Being confident in God’s love and resting securely in it affects how we see ourselves, how we see God, and how we see others. It even influences how we see and experience our circumstances, providing a helpful foundation from which we can make some sense or meaning from our experiences”. (Buszowski, Fern E.M., Embrace Life, Embrace Hope, Word Alive Press, 2023 (pg 28)

Be sure to leave a comment and if you don’t know what to say …let me know it was something you needed to hear today with a “heart”.

Help me Celebrate!

I get to celebrate two important milestones with my journey with cancer. The first is the 4^th year anniversary of my oral cancer surgery (September 19^th) and the second is still coming on January 7^th, 2025. This is the date I finished treatment and rang the Hope Bell at my local cancer centre. January is the official cancer survivorship date this is followed by my surgeons. But I like to celebrate both milestones!

My journey with cancer has brought me many blessings and experiences I never dreamed I’d have. Don’t get me wrong. It has been enormously difficult and on some days it is still challenging because of the disfigurement and swelling from the surgery and long-term side effects from radiation treatment.

By now you must be wondering... yikes, where are the blessings in that?

In the time since I was diagnosed with cancer, I’ve met some amazing new people and made new friends, written and published a book, and painted and sold 4 limited-edition high-quality watercolor art prints to raise funds for cancer research, trained and spoken to many groups, podcasts and even was interview on a ½ hour TV show in Canada, and networked and partnered with many authors, organizations, and groups. I have met many amazing people.

So far, $6,000.00 has been raised and donated to cancer research that supports dedicated doctors who are doing research through the Cumming School of Medicine that is associated with the newly opened Arthur J.E. Child Comprehensive Cancer Centre located in Calgary, AB.

My goal is to raise $10,000.00 for research and ideally I’d like to do that before the 5^th anniversary is reached – January 2026.

5 Easy Ways to Participate

I’m spreading the word about this, so if you’d like to participate in the worthy cause of supporting cancer research there are several ways you can prayerfully consider how to participate:

1. Purchase a copy of my book “Embrace Life, Embrace Hope: Cultivating Wholeness and Resilience through the Unexpected” for yourself or to give a friend. Signed copies are available locally. Just email me at info@hopeblooming.ca

2. Spread the word about the book to your doctors, library, neighbors, friends, local or church bookstores, and churches. Let them know how reading it affected you.

3. Write a review and post it on Amazon.ca, at the publisher’s site WordAlive Press, or with Focus on the Family.

4. Follow, Like, Comment, Share, or Forward social media posts to friends, from Instagram or Facebook or through my blog on Substack (free)

• Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/hope.blooming/

• Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/AtHopeBlooming

• Blog:

Cultivating Wholeness Along the Way

We deal with stressful circumstances every day. Yet in those times when our life journeys bring disappointments and suffering we must discover new ways to find an enduring kind of hope that helps us embrace new wholeness...

By Fern E.M. Buszowski

5. Get a copy of a watercolor print and give it to a friend. Donations are $125.00 and if you are in Canada you are eligible to receive a charity receipt for a large portion of this amount. The value of the print is called and “advantage” – so this is deducted from the donation (CRA rules). Contact me at info@hopeblooming.ca for more information.

What’s the Book About?

“Embrace Life, Embrace Hope” is an inspirational read about how I found hope in the difficult place of dealing with stage III oral cancer during the pandemic. Readers learn about the common emotions and challenges that can come up with dealing with a journey of disease and the different ways that helped me get through the challenging days. I include struggles as well as the perspectives and practices that I found most helpful to care for myself and my soul through such an unexpected journey.

Suffering can be found through many kinds of life challenges: illnesses, relational, retirement, loss of a loved one, life transitions, disabilities, caring for others, or other significant life challenges.

We all go through periods of suffering and crisis. And if it isn’t us it may be somone we love who is suffering.

Finalist in Christian Living & Spiritual Formation Category

The Canadian Word Guild of Canada chose Embrace Life, Embrace Hope as one of 3 finalists to be considered for the category of Christian Living and Spiritual Formation.

Scan the QR code or visit here to read some of the endorsements and testimonials for the book.

If you are new to my newsletter, “Cultivating Wholeness Along the Way” welcome, I’m so glad you are here!

This month I’m sharing a recent guest post I wrote for an author colleague of mine, Twyla Franz, on her “Begin Within Series”. It’s a regular series that posts inspiring stories of “overcomers” – those who face difficult stories yet, somehow, are able to uncover gratitude, healing, and hope through their stories of suffering.

As “overcomers”, it’s important to become aware of the stories we tell ourselves. Only then can we change the narrative to one that helps us overcome the adversity we are facing. It’s not about “getting over it” – whatever “it” is.

So what is it then?

Well, in many ways is it learning how to live with an adversity as it impacts our lives and the unwanted and unexpected changes it can force upon us. I had to come up with my own definition of being an “overcomer” that allowed me to find new ways to cope and not just survive but find ways to thrive while facing my adversity with health issues – first cancer and then with the ever changing impacts of autoimmune disease (s).

The word ‘overcomer’ is one that I wrote about on my instagram and I even defined it to fit my own understanding and lived experience of what an “overcomer” can be. It isn’t someone who ignores the reality and impact of adversity… but is…

What could becoming an “overcomer” look like?

If you enjoy reading inspirational stories, you just might like enjoy reading the “Begin Within Series”. And, of course, I hope you’ll read my story too!

I’ve posted the links below if you’d like to read some of these inspiring stories and follow Twyla and her series.

And there is an exciting announcement way down at the bottom of this post. So I’d love it if you’d join me in celebrating this great news.

But first… let’s get started with this gratitude story … let me ask…

What Stories are you Telling Yourself?

Have you ever noticed that someone’s unexpected, nonchalant words might just be that little something you needed to hear to help you feel better about the life story you are living?

When those moments happen, they seem to influence our perspectives and help us look at our life and its circumstances differently don’t they?

In this post I wrote for the “Begin Within Series”, I share one of those ah-ha moments I had where I received a much-needed reminder bringing me great, glimmers of gratitude, healing, and hope through a difficult life journey.

Maybe right now you are facing some difficult life challenges, or have in the past where you still experience moments that reminded you of them, and are transported back, bringing all the unwanted memories with a grief residue of your loss and sadness.

Maybe you are telling yourself some of the things I was telling myself about my health story that brought me much discouragement instead of life, hope-filled encouragement, and truth.

Whatever it may be, let me remind you of something I need to be reminded of frequently - you are not alone. God is aware of your struggles, He is there ready to comfort you in this place. He also has created us for community that can bring us healing encouragement and hope along the way. We must remember to reach out to those around us for support and encouragement too.

And, I hope my story today will bring you the same ah-ha gift I received just when I needed it.

I’ll post a bit of my story here and give you a link where you can read the whole post on the “Begin Within Series”!

Breathing a sigh of relief, I sat in the waiting room, hiding behind the face mask I donned during a brief respite from expectations of small talk.

It seemed that everything I once knew had changed. A few short weeks after an eight-hour oral cancer surgery, avoiding speaking was my sole goal, especially with strangers. Recurring requests to repeat myself became something I dreaded.

A sagging eyelid, droopy mouth, swollen tongue, and neck reflected images and sounds of a woman I didn’t recognize. Not to mention the added diagnosis of a second cancer–melanoma on my arm, and an autoimmune disease–all in three short months.

So much of who I knew myself to be was challenged. My true identity and value was challenged. Meaningless platitudes frequently flitted through my mind–“beauty is in the eyes of the beholder” or “beauty comes from within.”

Beauty? Looking like this? Feeling like this? Doubts crowded my mind; discouragement clouded my thinking. By focusing on the negative, its dark, wet blanket of shame submersed any hope of the positive.

I began imagining rejection. I doubted. My confidence waned. I wondered…

READ MORE of this story here on the “Begin Within Series” and be sure to COME BACK here to read an exciting announcement below and a link to a “FREE” Sample read from my book.

Meet Fern Buszowski

Fern Buszowski, MALM, MA Counseling, is a published author, blogger, public speaker, and thriving cancer survivor. She has spent most of her career equipping others to grow, develop, and find hope through counseling, workshops, programs, and training, locally and internationally. Fern is passionate about encouraging others to cultivate curiosity, choose hope, seek wholeness, and develop life practices that nurture their souls, uncovering all that God as in store for them. She shares stories of hope at events, through podcasts, and more recently on the TV show Legacy Makers. She is the author of the book Embrace Life, Embrace Hope: Cultivating Wholeness and Resilience through the Unexpected recently nominated as 1 of 3 finalists for the The Word Guild of Canada in the “Christian Living-Spiritual Formation” category. The winner will be announced in September.

Interested in a “FREE sample read”?

Be inspired to create space for you heart, body, mind, and soul to rest and find new ways to uncover wholeness and hope - to not just survive but thrive!

Click on the button below to read a FREE sample from Embrace Life, Embrace Hope: Cultivating Wholeness and Resilience through the Unexpected

FREE Sample Read

Did You Know?

All profits from the sale of this book are donated to cancer research and/or family support.

Read what others are saying! HERE

I’d love it if you’d like to stay connected. Where you can find me. . .

• Website: Hope Blooming

• Blog: Cultivating Wholeness Along the Way

• Facebook

• Instagram

Introducing “Begin Within: A Gratitude Series

Begin Within is a series to inspire a year-round lifestyle of gratitude that will impact not only your own life, but the lives of your neighbors as well. Gratitude is a theme we talk about often around here because it ties so closely into other missional living rhythms. Practicing gratitude reminds to keep our hearts soft and expectant and our eyes open. Therefore, the more we embrace gratitude, the easier it becomes to truly see our neighbors and where we can join what God is already doing in our neighborhoods.

A Little about Twyla

Twyla Franz is a relentless believer in direction over pace and ripple-effect living.  She plays worship songs loud and on repeat. Numbers her thanks to remember gratitude is a before, not an after. Her passion is helping others get close to Jesus and grow deep, missional friendships with neighbors.

Here's How you can Connect with Twyla:

Website

TwylaFranz

Begin Within Series

Instagram

We are half-way through summer!! I hope that you are blessed with cherished moments filled with rest, restoration, and much hope. See you next month!

Share Cultivating Wholeness Along the Way

Last month’s post presented how I attempt to cultivate a life of welcoming that embraces curiosity, stillness, silence, mystery, hope, and remembering.

This month I’d like to share with you some of my favorite daily soul care practices that help me be more open to what God might have for me so that I can become more welcoming to what is present in my life.

Before I start, here is a brief excerpt from my book where I talk about soul care. I think it can give us some perspective on the importance of this sacred act of caring for our soul.

“Caring for our soul is like strengthening muscle. Our muscles strengthen when we make intentional, repeated, slow, careful movement in both directions—up and down. Before I enrolled in a fitness class for cancer patients, I thought that strengthening a muscle meant lifting bigger and heavier weights. But it’s actually in the slow, deliberate lengthening and release of the muscle.

The same is true of our souls. When we release what is unhelpful and bring in what is helpful, we strengthen our souls—our resilience. Through this act of release, we make room for good to grow in us. This builds inner strength.”

Embrace Life, Embrace Hope: Cultivating Wholeness and Resilience through the Unexpected, Buszowski, Fern. E.M., 2023, (pg. 135)

The biggest roadblocks that stop us from practicing lifegiving soul care are time, lack of awareness, or not truly valuing the grave importance of our soul. In my case it is all the above. In most cases avoidance happens when I face physical pain or emotionally difficult circumstances, or when I procrastinate spending quality quiet time with God – because of overwhelming situations, busyness, or distractions.

The outcome?

I feel fragmented and less connected to myself, less connected to God, and less connected to my community... and less whole.

Self-compassion and a Heart of Forgiveness

The nice thing about being human is that we are perfectly imperfect and can easily make poor decisions, get distracted, and ignore attending to our soul needs well.

Soul care is one thing that benefits us because it allows us to attend to ourselves body, soul (mind, emotions, decisions, will), and spirit.  By cultivating regular practices of soul care, it can help us notice what thoughts, activities, or ways of being are moving us toward or away from God, ourselves, and others.

Direction is important.

We are designed for connection with God, ourselves, and others. If we are cultivating ways of disconnection our souls can and will suffer because we are moving in the wrong direction.

When we are hard on ourselves, we can easily get stuck which isn’t helpful especially if what we really want is to cultivate a life of openness and welcome.  Maybe we can offer ourselves the same kind of grace-filled, loving-kindness type of forgiveness that God already offers us and offer a bit of self-compassion. Many life circumstances are really hard to deal with.

The important thing is to acknowledge the unhelpful behavior that results and make a shift to turn and move in the other direction. It’s okay to make mistakes – yet we are not a mistake. We are learners, figuring out how to live life well, because we all are a work in progress.

Soul care can help us cultivate the spiritual practice of being welcoming to this life we are living. Welcoming to ourselves. Welcoming to God. Welcoming to others. Welcoming to circumstances. Welcoming to the reality of what is. Welcoming is the art of being open to the reality of what is before us.

So, how can soul care facilitate this? It isn’t the same as self-care but is a way that we can attend to ourselves holistically body, soul, and spirit because that is how God made us and to gain new insight and perspectives that change our attitudes, expectations, and way of living so that we can feel more whole even when facing difficult circumstances.

In a knowledge society we tend to favor the mind side of us to create, think, and have ideas yet head knowledge ignores all the other parts of us. We have emotions. More and more our society is opening up to the idea of caring for our emotional side as something good.  We have a body that needs to be sustained, strengthened, and rested. These are all good and necessary parts of us but there is one missing. The spirit. If we are body, soul, and spirit we need to attend to all parts of us – why is it we forget about our spirit. That’s my first question. Our spirit is the part of us that connects with God and with others. This is important. My second question is why do we separate them out as if they are distinct parts not affecting each other?

Body, Soul, Spirit. They are all important. All are interconnected and each one can affect the others – for better or worse.

Soul care practices can raise our awareness and identify needs in all three areas. As we respond and attend to those longings and needs in holistic ways it can help us feel less fragmented, more interconnected, whole, and more like the person God designed us to be.

“We are designed to heal. We are designed to be whole.”

I was reminded of this simple truth during a season of oral cancer and an autoimmune disease diagnosis. Let me share with you an excerpt where I write about it.

“We are designed to heal. We are designed to be whole.

God made us to be whole—that’s part of His story for us. This is the original plan for mankind: to heal and to be whole.

In moments when we’re hurting, suffering, or confused, I wonder whether the deep longings for wholeness might be God wooing us to Himself, inviting us into the healing journey that is His story for us.”

Embrace Life, Embrace Hope: Cultivating Wholeness and Resilience through the Unexpected, Buszowski, Fern E.M., 2023, (p. 36)

Regular Practice of Soul Care.

Having some regular time each day or week can help us cultivate a deep awareness of our longings and needs and then respond in helpful ways that bring healing and wholeness.

There are often seasons in our life where our health, responsibilities, or circumstances affect our schedules, abilities, and needs. Recognizing that these stages are a normal part of life, and sometimes temporary, we can maintain a flexible way of taking the needed time for soul care.

The danger comes when we ignore our needs and push through. By ignoring or minimizing our needs the result affects our whole being seeping into the quality of our relationships with God, ourselves, and others.

Just like we need the basics of food, water, and human connection, soul care is equally important because it tends to our body, feeds our soul, and nourishes our spirit to bring much hope, connection with God, ourselves, and others.  It also can help us gain insight into the challenges we face. Soul care is a critical component in learning how to survive and thrive in our world today.

There is no one perfect schedule for soul care. Some people do various soul care activities throughout the day, others set aside dedicated time each day, week, and/or month and incorporate regular day retreats through the year to reflect, refocus, and reset.

My usual approach is to choose a dedicated time – that is flexible. Below I’ll list some of my favorite activities I choose to practice.

First, preparing for a dedicated time means being present, in a quiet space with no distractions. My writing/art room is where I go in the cold or wet months, and my garden or deck is where I go in the summer.

I come prepared with a tea or water, a pencil or pen and paper, my Bible and sometimes a favorite book that can inspire me. I set aside 1 hr. but can easily go over or take less time. Each time is different. It is a time that is designed for no distractions. I turn off the phone and when I had our children at home, I often stuck a “Do Not Disturb” sign on my door. Now I bring my dog into the room, so she doesn’t scratch at the door!

Then I begin with a practice to help me be present to and with God.

1.    Welcome in being present with a breath prayer

This helps me release any residual busyness lingering on my heart and helps me refocus on God’s presence before I continue with my quiet time. I might:

a)    take several slow cleansing breaths and use a 5-4-3-2-1 grounding exercise by naming out loud (5 things I see, 4 things I can touch, 3 things I hear, 2 things I smell, and 1 thing I can taste)

b)    focus on a short favorite scripture or set of words and repeat them in rhythm with my breathing:

a.    Lord Jesus Christ, son of God, have mercy on me.

b.    Be still and know that I am God (Psalm 46:10)

2.    Remind myself who God is

I offer a short prayer asking God to be present, show and guide me in this time with Him and ending with a word of expectant thanks anticipating what I might learn during this dedicated time with Him.

A regular reminder about the attributes of God helps me remember who He is, how He shows up in our world, His purposes and ways, what He means to me, and how majestic He is.

I reflect on some of God’s attributes by:

a)    Reading some passages to uncover some attributes of God. This isn’t what we think about Him but what He has revealed to us through the Scriptures. Example: Compassionate, Ever present, Counsellor, Mighty, All knowing, All powerful, etc.

b)    Meditating on these attributes

c)    Expressing gratitude and praise for His nature and character.

I take some time to consider the attributes that stand out the most along with my current needs and what is weighing most heavily on my heart and enter a time of surrendering my needs, concerns, and emotions to God while gratefully acknowledging how those attributes can help bring me new insight and peace.  

This helps me remember the never-ending and majestic power of a loving God who wants to be with us through our good days and our trying days. It gives me a sense of hope that God is enough especially when I’m at my most vulnerable and especially when the circumstances may not change. Knowing I’m not alone in the issues is comforting.

3.    Offer a prayer of surrender.

Surrender is a word that seems to imply powerlessness, but I see it more as a time to acknowledge that I need to be reminded of my human frailty, need for help, comfort, and guidance, because I can’t do life on my own.

a)    It’s an acknowledgement of who I am and who God is. He’s God, I am not. It is also a time of acknowledgment and admission of what has been holding me back from my soul care practices and get curious about why.

b)    It’s an acknowledgement of concerns or fear that I’m avoiding dealing with that are really acting as a wall between me and my time with God.

c)    This prayer of surrender helps me articulate and let go of what I’m avoiding or trying to hang onto my plans and dreams through some kind of control and choose instead to trust God’s goodness and wisdom and comfort in the situation and in the future. It also helps me remember that if I’m not trusting God to ask what it is that I’m putting my trust in. Is it me? My circumstances? Someone else?

Also, taking time to meditate on a relevant Scripture, about surrender, helps me prepare to surrender and trust God in the journey.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and do not rely on your own understanding; in all your ways know him, and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6 (NIV)

I’m a kinesthetic learner so I enjoy using some physical activity as part of my surrender prayer. These are my two go-to activities:

Use of Hands:

a)    Starting with clenched fists, acknowledge what I’m holding onto so tightly. This may be expectations, fear, worries, future plans, having my way, etc. and the impact it has on me.

b)    Acknowledging what I need to release and choosing to release them one by one by opening up my hands whether it be finger by finger or my whole hand symbolizing my choosing to release and surrender them all to God.

Journalling:

a)    I write a letter to God and admit what I’ve been holding onto so tightly. This may be fear, worries, future plans, etc. and the impact it has on me.

b)    Then I acknowledge that I need to release them by listing them out in bullet form, one by one, and write clearly that I’m choosing to release and surrender them to God.

c)    I can then destroy the letter as a symbol of my releasing them to God.

4.    Welcome God to examine my heart about this issue through silence and solitude

Sometimes life is busy, full, chaotic, and filled with struggle or suffering of some kind and it is difficult to know how to move through a situation. All the clutter, chaos, and struggle can create a lot of head and heart noise when what we need most is quiet and space to think, process, and be.

a)    Tending to the heart:

Just learning to sit quietly in stillness and silence can trigger my busy mind to be filled with checklists, to dos, and sporadic thoughts. Instead of engaging with them, I let them roll in and out again. It’s not emptying my mind, but attentively listening instead for what comes up. It might be a conviction, an image, a scripture verse, or an impression that God brings to me.

b)    Meditate on Scripture or Bible story that can relate to the topic/issue on your heart

I like to choose a passage of Scripture to read and meditate on. I read it slowly, and sometimes find a different version of the Bible to read the same passage. By allowing these words to sink deeply into my heart I might notice specific words that jump out or leave a heart impression.

c)    Reflection questions.

• What do I sense God is showing me, encouraging me to release, and inviting me to explore or consider?

• What new insights are coming to mind?

d)    Journal the experience.

For some reason I find journalling helps me. I take the time to record any Scripture, insights, or emotions that may come up and reflect and process what they mean. I have found that these times of reflection bring great insight that I can continue to learn from at different times of my life.

I turn on some instrumental music for my journalling time and date the journal entry because it is a wonderful record of my spiritual formation over time and how God meets me so faithfully in my times of need.

e)    End with prayer

I try to end my time of prayer with thanks and gratitude for my time with God.

5.    Practice carrying it forward

I can easily get distracted and once the journal and Bibles are closed, I can move on quickly. But I know that this isn’t the best for me, so I am cultivating new ways to remember and reflect on the rich Scripture or insights I receive during this sacred time so that it gets deep into my heart.

Here are some suggestions to keep the insights in the forefront of my heart:

·      Post it in a place where it will be seen regularly through the day.

·      Meditate on it throughout the day when walking, running, or going through a doorway, stick a reminder on the fridge or the computer, or set a watch or phone alarm as a gentle reminder.

·      At the end of the day reflect on and consider how the insights impacted you and the day’s interactions with God and others.

There are many ways to spend time in quiet and solitude with God – there is no one perfect way. If you have some favorites, I invite you to share with readers some of your favorite things.

Earlier today I read a post by a Canadian writer friend, Sue Fulmore, and I’m going to share it with you today. She referenced a prayer by Thomas Keating in her July 1^st, 2024, post entitled “Mercy and Laundry”.  If you want to read more of Sue’s article I’ve put a link to it below.

“The Welcoming Prayer by Father Thomas Keating might be a great way to start the day and an ongoing practice of release and openness.

Welcome, welcome, welcome.

I welcome everything that comes to me today, because I know it's for my healing.

I welcome all thoughts, feelings, emotions, persons, situations, and conditions.

I let go of my desire for power and control.

I let go of my desire for affection, esteem, approval, and pleasure.

I let go of my desire for survival and security.

I let go of my desire to change any situation, condition, person or myself.

I open to the love and presence of God and God's action within.

Amen.

So let’s be honest with where we are at, lament all that is not as it should be, and learn to welcome what comes in full surrender.

Here’s to a summer of anticipation of goodness and beauty and the presence of a good and beautiful God who walks with us through our days.”

Sue Fulmore, Capacity for Wings

There are many resources available for learning more, so if you are new to the practice of different types of soul care activities here are a few books that you may enjoy reading to get started and give you some perspective and ideas:

“Prayer – Finding the Heart’s True Home” – Richard Foster

“Spiritual Disciplines Handbook: Practices that Transform Us” – Adele Ahlberg Calhoun

“Embrace Life, Embrace Hope: Cultivating Wholeness and Resilience through the Unexpected”- Fern Buszowski.

This last one is my book, and it is an inspirational memoir that describes how soul care activities helped me through a devastating walk with oral cancer cultivating wholeness and resilience along the way. It also has a specific appendix in it called Soul Care Practices.

May I encourage you to consider helpful ways to practice soul care and embrace a life of welcoming healing, wholeness, God, self, and others. What better time to start welcoming than during a new season of summer.

That’s what I plan on doing. I’ll not be posting again until September to work on my own soul care this summer, but may pop on and off with the a message or two from my reflections about what I’m learning!

May we all enjoy the fruit, beauty and growth before us in the season ahead as we practice releasing what we must and saying a new welcome to what is.

Fern

Have you ever noticed that we grow the most when we are struggling through a challenging season? I have noticed this throughout the different seasons of my life, and although I’m always grateful for what I’ve learned, I confess that I don’t always appreciate the journey suffering brings.

How about you?

Why is that?

When the reality of life strikes and shows us that life is not always full of good and happy times or relationships but is a mishmash of all that is good combined with all that is difficult, challenging, heart breaking, and filled with loss and suffering – it can be very hard to cope well. Yet it is those exact times when we are being offered an opportunity to welcome our experience and growth through it.

Welcoming? Why and what do we need to be welcoming?

Welcoming helps keep our hearts soft and open to growth.

In challenging seasons, when we face the unexpected – those unwanted times we all have, we can welcome many things. Things that help and things that don’t. Helpful welcoming things might include curiosity. Or stillness and silence. Or mystery. Or hope. Or remembering. It doesn’t mean we ignore the difficult season we are in, or our emotions, nor our resistance to the suffering – we mustn’t dismiss or minimize the difficulty of it all. Welcoming, to me, means to be open to new ways of seeing our life’s journey. In a way that is filled with curiosity, stillness and silence, mystery, an enduring hope, and the gift of remembering.

In my case to do this I’ve learned that we must find new ways to cultivate some daily practices that can help us carve out ways to welcome our messy experience.

So, let’s define a few of these words first and then in my next blog post we can talk about what daily practices might be helpful.

Curiosity. When we can welcome curiosity, we are more able to wonder and ask questions. We can ask God questions or ask ourselves and others about anything. Using open-ended questions that encompass who, what, why, where, and when, and how can help spur on the curiosity to explore. Curiosity helps us come at an issue from different directions or perspectives and is not set on a specific outcome.

Curiosity doesn’t embrace expectations.  If we want something a certain way with no element of curiosity that is an “expectation” – it is not cultivating curiosity.

Being indifferent to the outcome is more in line with what fosters this curiosity. It seems that when we welcome curiosity, we’re inviting new insights into our mindset that can help us change, grow, and deepen our existing knowledge while still being true to our faith traditions. It can even deepen our understanding of our circumstances that can help us accept them in new and deeper ways that move us forward, out of the “stuck” kind of places we may find ourselves. It is so easy for us to hang on to a certain way of thinking about how life should go.  Curiosity also cultivates wisdom – a wisdom that can help us make decisions that are wise and safe for us given our circumstances.

Curiosity uproots our expectations, massaging them, changing them and allowing us to release them and embrace life in new ways – stronger ways – more resilient ways. Ways that are not bound to preconceived notions or set expectations.

Curiosity is cultivated within a heart that wants to learn. Learn through the pain of what exists, difficult as it may be, and the reality of what we are facing today and may face well into the future. It has a neutral stance – not an agenda whereas expectations have agendas.

Stillness and Silence. When we face stresses and crises, many of us tend to get busy, agitated, anxious, preoccupied, controlling, or busier to avoid facing what we are experiencing. Welcoming silence, while a challenging exercise, creates the space our hearts and minds need to process, to feel our emotions, to explore for meaning and purpose, to unpack, release, lament, and grieve our situation, losses, and future, and receive new insight, peace, and hope. Sometimes it is overwhelming for us to do it alone, so we might need to be with another safe person for added support – be it a friend, religious leader, or professional. Sometimes just knowing that another person is present with us can be comforting and healing.

Mystery. When we welcome mystery, we are releasing control of not needing to know all the answers – the reality is that some things are just plain unknown. Living with the ambiguity of not knowing why something happened can be challenging but it can also instill a deeper dependency, faith, and trust in God. Mystery fuels curiosity and reminds us that we are only human and don’t know everything.  It reminds us that God is much more than our human understanding that is finitely human.

Hope. When we can welcome hope, we are welcoming and receiving promises of a better future, promises that some good will eventually surface again in our lives, and that there is some meaning and purpose in our time of suffering.

We tend to reach for hope through several avenues. It might be a more straight-forward kind of hope like wishing things were different. It might be a deeper level of hope that we express, when we want the future to look a certain way, based on our expectations of what we believe will make us happy. When we are remaining in control, I call these “false hopes” because we can’t undo the past circumstances – we can just respond differently as we move forward. When we wish for the past to be undone, we are denying the reality of what we are facing. So, we need a different kind of hope that strengthens us to persevere. 

This kind of hope can be found in safe, healthy communities through the loving, encouragement, and care of others who support and encourage us, and love us unconditionally. These times with others that bring hope is a foretaste of the kind of enduring hope that God can bring us. God’s hope is the kind of hope that allows us to embrace the mystery of today and the certainty of an abundant life in the future despite the circumstances we face – it is a belief that our future will be different from today.

Hope brings inner healing and wholeness and helps us look forward with expectant, confident anticipation of what God will do. It is also a hope-filled anticipation filled with faith and trust in the promise of eternal life when we die. Enduring hope – is based in God’s character – His person, His Word, and His promises.

Knowing and embracing this kind of enduring hope deeply empowers us to take the difficult steps of processing our circumstances, releasing our emotions, expectations, and lamenting the circumstances while grieving our losses and changes and bravely accepting the reality of what is. Then we may be able to step forward to embrace life today – with all its challenges. As we persevere with each step in this healing journey our hope deepens.

When we bring our times of suffering before the Lord, we can gain a greater confidence and assurance that He is compassionate and with us, in and through our suffering, and that there are promises for a new future.  This brings us the ability to persevere through the suffering with and enduring kind of hope because it is based in God’s promises and character.

The suffering doesn’t magically disappear, neither does the pain, nor the triggers – it is a process of trusting, believing, releasing, and reaching out for help repeatedly over time while remaining open to the idea that the journey of suffering will transform us to be more of the person God created us to be through it.

Remember. If you are anything like me, I tend to forget some of the promises that speak to my heart and help me to persevere through the challenging days. The act of remembering helps us make choices about the kind of hope we’ll embrace.

The things I like to remember are:

1)    God is a good god.

2)    He has a plan and a purpose and a future for us.

3)    We must find a way to praise God for His goodness despite the circumstances we are facing.

4)    We get to choose the kind of hope we’ll embrace that is based on God’s character and promises for a hope-filled future.

Suffering is often described as a lonesome experience. Yet with God, when we can remember that He is always with we are never really alone. Why? Because He doesn’t leave us alone in or through our suffering –  we just need to remember to turn toward Him.

When we remember these truths, we are more likely to care well for ourselves as we learn to embrace our reality today while looking forward to the hope of tomorrow. And slowly we’ll begin to see and experience peace and joy even in the most difficult of circumstances.

Daily Practices of Welcome: (Part 2 – stay tuned)

My next blog post will have some of my favorite practices that help me. If you have any of your favorite practices that you’d like to share, feel free to post them and maybe we can incorporate some of them into the next blog list.

We are all learning together, and this is a great way to share.

Until next time... I remain yours truly,

For me I’d say that pain makes my gratitude wane.

Over the last 3 years I’ve had 2 types of cancer, one major - stage III oral cancer, one not as major - skin cancer - melanoma, and an autoimmune disease that loves to flare when I’m tired, and not to mention the 4 minor surgeries in the last 2 years.

Cancer and an autoimmune disease is part of my life now that needs to be managed well so I can do all that I like to do. Since I’m one of those cup half-full kind of people I find that gratitude helps.

It reminds me to look around and see all that is there that is good instead of focusing solely on the limitations.

I remind myself what I’m grateful for:

• The special people in my life.

• My family.

• The opportunity I get to speak, share, and write about hope.

• My health is still pretty excellent considering!

• My faith in God, and in His purposes and His promises.

• My hope in a good God.

Perhaps, if you are like me where I tend to connect the “gratitude” I do have to “hope” and “faith”. I can welcome “hope” because I know that everything will eventually turn out for good. I “hope” because I put my trust and “faith” in God and who He is. “Hope” and “faith” helps my attitude toward gratitude grow.

Yet there are days when I can see my gratitude diminishing. For me it happens when the pain doesn’t stop … for days….or for weeks. For you it may be different.

Sometimes I wonder if I contribute to the own pain because I am struggling and holding on too tightly to a specific outcome, or worse yet even trying to control it. Are you like that?

When we do that we are putting our faith and hope in people, ideas, or things. And we all know that things are not always reliable, consistent, or even good for us on the best of days. It may be what we know or are comfortable with. Maybe it is because we are afraid of the unknown and automatically assume is won’t be as good as what we know or experience now.

Maybe we need reminding that the goal is not the important thing but the journey of transformation is what is important.

Transformation of body, soul and spirit. The whole package – not just a few bits and pieces.

Sometimes I get caught up and then focus on the goal rather than on the journey. Am I choosing comfort rather than transformation? For sure I am – especially when I’m in pain. Might I be putting my faith in my own outcomes rather than in God’s? On the waning days when I convince myself that the pain never seems to end – of course I am – pain isn’t any fun. It limits me from doing what I want to be doing. Trust me – the list is long.

I seem to keep forgetting what I believe, value, and cherish. So I need reminders.

During the days when my attitude of gratitude wanes, I ask myself questions to help remember, reset, and refocus my expectations for the journey. They go something like this:

• Am I still trusting and having faith in God whom I believe is a good God (in spite of my circumstances), or … am I trusting…(fill in the blank) instead?

• Do I still hope in God’s promises (in spite of what I may be seeing or believing right before me), or am I hoping … in …(fill in the blank) instead?

• Have I released my own expectations about how things “should” turn out because I believe God has a purpose for me, or … do I believe it should be … (fill in the blank)?

• Is my focus on the journey to learn, grow, and heal along the way or is it my comfort or … (fill in the blank) that takes away my focus?

• Do I still believe God is a good God or that …(fill in the blank)

• Am I remembering Whose I am or who others say I am, or … (fill in the blank)?

• Am I embracing today as a gift on the journey of life or am I … wishing …(fill in the blank)  instead?

As we reflect on questions like these and the answers they uncover, we get a better impression of where we are placing our focus. When we know, we can choose to make adjustments.

Another question I like to ask that helps me reset is to take time to consider and ask God: 

• What do you have for me today, Lord?

When we ask God to help us to live with expectancy for TODAY and cultivate a heart filled with gratitude and step into the fullness of life that He has for us today – it makes a difference. I think it also helps build our resilience to maneuver through those tough, challenging days.

Knowing where our hope comes from and recognizing where, in today’s circumstances, we are placing our faith – our hope and faith can help our gratitude grow.

So…what helps your gratitude grow? What are some of the practices you use to help cultivate gratitude? Be sure to comment below!

1. The In-Between Times (March’s BLOG)

2. *NEW ANNOUNCEMENT* with Focus on the Family

   

3. TV show Interview Broadcast with LEGACY MAKERS (special link to view my story)

4. On the Hunt for some Postcasts…

The In-Between Times

Life often brings unwanted circumstances that create changes in and around us. They might be due to an illness, broken relationship, moving into a new neighborhood, church conflict, workplace issue, elderly parents, rebelling kids, or unimaginable losses, etc.  These times seem to stir up unexpected feelings for all of us: anxiety, loss, fear, discouragement, and more –  uncovering many deep longings we didn’t realize we had simmering just below the surface.

In such destabilizing moments we can search for safe places to land – yet sometimes we don’t.  Instead we may withdraw from the prying eyes, well-meaning questions, and hunker down into bouts of hiding and lamenting the past that is gone forever – hoping the struggles will soon come to an end.  

In the moments of overwhelm, if you are anything like me, we can forget that it’s possible our impressions of the situation are subjective, may be inaccurate, or amplified from our lived-experiences and perspectives filled with judgment or unresolved past experiences leaving us triggered, floundering, and lamenting the losses.  We can feel like we are no longer the “me” we once knew ourselves to be leaving us feeling off kilter, misunderstood, not seen or heard, or feeling like we are of less value often questioning if we even fit anymore.

Ever feel like that?

I think most of us do at some time or another in our lives. For some of us it can occur more than once.

Those in-between stages can be tough, where we can’t imagine the future and can’t go back to the past.  We are in-between – something. And when we are in that in-between place where we feel raw and vulnerable sometimes we forget how God has been faithful in the past. In-between is where we sit with the overwhelming feelings, feeling alone or stuck before the future comes.   

Not surprisingly, it’s when we are in this uncomfortable place, a waiting place, where we might  uncover some of our own neglected needs or habits where we tend to ignore or dismiss our own thoughts, feelings pretending we are okay  when we are not.

It is in those very times we need to remember to remember!

Remember we are human and ask “What do I need?” and “Where can I find help?”

Remember that our experience and our responses are valid and need to be tended to with gentleness, compassion, love, insight if we want to heal.

Remember that sometimes going alone isn’t enough and we might need help. Asking for help doesn’t mean we are weak or failures. It means we are human.

Remember where our strength comes from and ask “What has helped in the past?”

Remember that we can take our thoughts, feelings, and challenges to God through prayer and ask “What insight and understanding can God bring to me in this journey that will soothe my heart and bring healing?”

Remember we are not alone and ask “How has God shown up for me in the past?”

Remember the good, remember God is good despite the circumstances and ask “What promises of God apply to my situation?”

Remember God is good during the good times; He is good during the difficult times “Who does God say I am?”

As we take that time to breathe, let’s step back a bit, pray, remember, and reflect on all the times in the past where we saw God faithfully show up teaching us what we need to know, equipping us with strength and resilience, and reminding us that He is a good God and a God with great promises.

As we practice quietly meditating on those very promises, let’s simultaneously care for our soul, lamenting and grieving the losses, and reaching out for the help we need, we can begin to shift our view to look forward and anticipate the promises that will be fulfilled in the future and open our hands with deeper trust to embrace the hope that is available for us with every next step we take.

A blessing in the process...

May we all:

• learn to acknowledge our humanity and needs and grieve the impact of the challenges and welcome emotions, and needs in the journey;

• find rest in the in-between places with open hands and a welcoming heart;

• remember we are not alone and can reach out and up for help - one or the other - sometimes both;

• remember God’s goodness and His promises;

• reflect and cultivate gratitude for the promises;

• anticipate with trust and hope in the fulfilled-promises to come.

AMEN

What’s New

Focus on the Family has written a great review for my book “Embrace Life, Embrace Hope: Cultivating Wholeness and Resilience through the Unexpected” and is now selling it on their website here in Canada!

Here’s a quick link to check the reviews and quick links to stores where to order a copy of Embrace Life, Embrace Hope.

Reviews and Stores

Do you know any…??

Next month, I’m going to begin looking for some new podcasts. Do you know of any podcasters that would be interested in sharing my story or some of the topics I speak on: Cancer Survivors, Resilience, Uncovering Wholeness in Adversity, and Soul Care.

Do you know any great podcasts that might be interested in interviewing me? What are some of your favorites? Networking is the best routes to find good connections and what better place to start than with you?! If you know of any - please add them to the comments below!

Sharing a Legacy on Legacy Makers!

I was recently interviewed on “LEGACY MAKERS” a Canadian talk-show hosted by Jacqueline Clements and Darrel Janz and thought you might like to watch it.

LEGACY MAKERS episodes are now available with VOD for FREE with

https://intothecastle.com/

Even though the show was taped in October it was aired last month. Just last week, I received word that my interview is now available online - VOD - through the “Intothecastle".

It’s a free to subscribe and available to view 24/7 for free.

1. Visit this link to create your free account:

   Into the Castle

2. Create an account (its free)

3. Once you have created an account, you’ll need to search for: "Legacy Makers" 

4. Their interview with me is in Season 1: Episode 22

Tomorrow is Easter - may you have a very blessed day celebrating!

Have an amazing April…see you next month!💕

When I was faced with a cancer diagnosis, an 8 hr-surgery, radiation treatment, and the common struggles through a long recovery I caught myself minimizing my experiences, focusing on the positives wanting to heal and move forward. I really didn’t want to spend much time rehashing things that I believed I had already dealt accepted and dealt with.

One day a friend said to me, “I never realized all the traumatic things that you had to undergo in your journey.”  Her words startled me. I had never used “traumatic” to describe my journey. I’d acknowledge “it was something BIG” but not traumatic.  With the word “traumatic” in mind I began conducting a bit of research, which is what I tend to do when a word niggles at me. After several weeks, I concluded that my cancer journey really was a traumatic experience  –  a cancer diagnosis, a fight with a life-threatening disease, and major surgery. Even any repeated scares or threats of cancer recurring can be classified as a traumatic experience – even today.

Now months later, I’ve decided to change my vocabulary to describe my experience as a traumatic event. They were traumatic experiences that caused me and my family much distress – for short and long periods of time. Gratefully, I did not experience Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) from the experience. Some people do, but not all experience PTSD from their experience with a traumatic event. Each person’s experience is different, and it is a sacred journey we must honour and is something to which we must attend with loving compassion and care.

National Cancer Institute writes (see reference link below)

“Patients with cancer may have symptoms of post-traumatic stress at any point from diagnosis through treatment, after treatment is complete, or during recurrence. Adult survivors of childhood cancer and their families may also have post-traumatic stress.”

“Cancer-related PTS may or may not lead to post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). PTSD is a specific group of symptoms that affect survivors of stressful events. These events usually involve the threat of death or serious injury to oneself or others. Cancer and its treatment may cause distress, but it does not mean it will develop into PTSD. Your healthcare team will evaluate your symptoms during your cancer journey.”

After some reflection I I finally admitted that I was downplaying my cancer journey so others wouldn’t feel sorry for me even though it felt like my cancer journey was much more than “something BIG”. For my husband, my wonderful caregiver, would also say that he experienced the journey as a traumatic time too (a type of vicarious trauma) from watching from the side lines and caring for me, not able to fix the problems I was facing.

I learned in a new way that when we label a life-changing event with words and definitions that accurately describe our experience we are better able to find ways to cope with it well and find the right kind of support to work our way through it – while we are in it.

This new choice of a word describing my personal experiences in the early stages of my cancer journey helped me find new ways to process my experiences, heal, and enhanced my ability to take care of myself. Because to me the word “traumatic” is different than “something BIG” because it describes a level of impact and distress more accurately and showed me that I probably required more support and ongoing care to work through it and come out the other side embracing life and embracing hope. It made me more open for help from others.

So to help us learn more about trauma, I’ve invited a friend and fellow writer from the UK to share in today’s guest blog – Katy Parker is a trauma-informed well-being writer who integrates mental health and faith into her words. She is a mental health advocate and mentor from England (UK)

I hope you’ll find it helpful. We’d love some comments so be sure to post and welcome Katy. You’ll want check out her website and some of the great free resources that she offers! All the links are at the end of this blog post.

Reference:

National Cancer Institute: https://www.cancer.gov/about-cancer/coping/survivorship/new-normal/ptsd-pdq#_1)

Could trauma be holding us back from achieving our potential?

I remember how overwhelming it felt returning to work after my accident. I love my job, being there for others and helping the vulnerable is just something I have always done. So, no wonder that this was something I also decided for to do in my professional life. However, despite how much I enjoyed my job, my return to work 10 months after my accident did not go how I imagined.

From the beginning my body was sending me signals which I decided to ignore, until one day the pain was so strong that I couldn’t walk, sit, or even barely stand. A few days later I was back in hospital.

My accident has certainly left its mark on me, both in terms of my physical health and my mental wellbeing. It took place as I was crossing a road on my way home from work, I had almost made it safely to the pavement on the other side of the road when a van struck me. A week after the accident, and whist still in hospital, I started to experience flashbacks and a couple of months later I was diagnosed with PTSD.

I experienced many symptoms associated with PTSD, one of the more prevalent was anxiety. And it was anxiety that led to me losing confidence in myself. After all, I was confident that it was safe to cross the road and yet the accident happened and changed my life in a split second. It has taken a long time for me to build my confidence back up to the point it is at now.

Perhaps you have also been through a traumatic experience which has sucked away your energy and confidence. Has it left you feeling stuck, anxious, and overwhelmed? Is your trauma preventing you from reaching your potential?

Trauma took away my independence, confidence, and self-esteem but there is a way to transform our wounds into resilience and strength.

You might doubt whether you will ever heal, but if you don’t ever set off on the journey, you will never know what you could achieve by removing the handcuffs of trauma.

Growth after trauma: 5 steps to achieving your full potential

So, how do we restore our confidence and self-esteem, enabling us to reach our full potential, after it has been shattered by trauma?

1.     Lean not on to yourself – when I experienced my first flashback after my accident, I felt like I was going crazy. I just could not understand what was going on with me. I started to believe I couldn’t do anything without causing danger to myself and others. But whilst I might have been struggling to do things by myself, everything is possible for God. I have always trusted God, but after my traumatic accident I had too much trauma in me. Trauma rewires our brain, meaning we can’t think clearly any longer. But by taking the steps towards healing and taking pressure away from finding answers to all my ‘why’ questions, I was surrendering to God. And by doing so and trusting God fully, my self-belief started to grow. I believed that if I put my trust in God and did my part, and allowed God to do His part, then even the impossible can turn into achievable. And this was the comfort I needed to move away from trauma and towards God’s plan.

2.     Acknowledge your feelings and accept yourself – before we can deal with something, we need to first acknowledge it. You might experience a mix of feelings; you might not understand why you feel the way you feel. Don’t lean on your own understanding as you might not always understand your feelings at that moment, and that’s ok. Don’t judge your feelings. This won’t help you to restore your confidence or self-esteem. On the contrary, it may well undermine it further. And we need to remember that confidence isn’t about perfection, rather accepting ourselves as we are, warts and all. Remember, what has happened to us wasn’t our fault. However, it is our responsibility to work on our healing. 

3.     Set yourself realistic goals – the irony is that by being patient with ourselves, we can reach our potential quicker than by setting goals that are impossible. By setting ourselves unrealistic goals we are more likely to fail, and consequently, we are less likely to continue to pursue our healing journey. We therefore need to create plans that start out with small baby steps. This will allow us to get used to succeeding again, and if you get overwhelmed on your way it is only a small step back to reset yourself before you go again.   

4.     Self-compassion – celebrating the small wins and being proud of where you have arrived, as opposed to putting yourself down, will help you to restore your self-esteem. Punishing ourselves is unhelpful and doesn’t change anything.  We need to ask ourselves what blaming ourselves achieves. Changing beliefs which are deeply rooted inside us will help shift our thinking from negative to realistic, or positive. Becoming our own best friend and talking to ourselves as we would to a friend, will help to restore our self-esteem. Accepting ourselves for who we are, who God made us, is always one of the first steps to healing.

5.     Reach out for help – it is ok to ask for help. It is not a sign of weakness, actually the opposite. Opening up and being honest about ourselves is one of the hardest things we will ever have to do. And we do not have to deal with our problems alone. There are always people who can help us. Although not everyone may have the capacity or ability to be there for us, the only way to find out is to ask and see. And then you can choose the right people to support you, those that are able to help pick you up if you stumble on your way. After all, you would do the same for them! And if needed, get professional help. There is no shame in reaching out for help, if you had a physical injury, you would not refuse professional help! 

We often put unrealistic expectations on ourselves and then get frustrated when we cannot live up to them. Therefore, creating a plan with realistic goals, which focuses on the things we can control, will help us to progress towards achieving our full potential. Events in life may not always make sense to us and we might experience setbacks on our way, but accepting this and leaning on God will place us in the hands of safety. By relying on God, rather than our own limited understanding of life, we can avoid being anxious about every decision we have to make and becoming overwhelmed. In turn, our comfort zone will be expanded, and we will thrive despite the trauma we experienced. Trauma doesn’t have to be a life-sentence – healing and restoring our life after trauma is possible. And the above tips can help you to free yourself from the hands of trauma and unleash your full potential. 

Guest Blog Bio:

Katy Parker is a trauma-informed well-being writer who integrates mental health and faith into her words. She is a mental health advocate and mentor who was born in Slovakia, but lives in England (UK) and shares her journey of healing and hope on her blog. Katy believes that God left her in this world for a reason, and during her recovery, she created the PTSD: My Story Project,  a safe space for trauma survivors to share their stories and let others know they aren't alone.

Her goal is to encourage and empower trauma survivors and support them on their healing journey. Katy believes that healing shouldn’t be a luxury and that everyone deserves a chance to heal. That’s why she created a free e-book, 7 Keys To Self-Healing, A Trauma Survivor’s Guide.

Website

Blog: www.journeyofsmiley.com 

Email: smiley@journeyofsmiley.com

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It’s as though we just keep pushing through and crossing off one more thing... then we’ll feel better or think we’ve achieved success.

I know that is just a false belief for me, because it just doesn’t work – in my mind I think it does, but my heart knows better.  

And it seems that my garden knows better too and is a great teacher about soul care.

Just this summer, my garden, which is my happy place, had been sorely neglected – weeds were growing everywhere because I had been preoccupied with my book launch.  

As the days and weeks wore on, I became bone weary. My soul knew I needed to slow down and do some quiet, creative, connecting kinds of things to refresh and renew my heart. All for a good cause and well-intentioned – but even the good stuff can wear us down and forget to care for our one and only soul.

I chose gardening as a good first step in my soul care because my garden is my happy place and because, frankly, it was growing out of control – it was a little more than weedy, and it didn’t have much color because I hadn’t planted anything – we were already into the month of July!

Slim Picking’s

Being late to the garden center meant I got all my plants on sale. I love sales, but the pickings were very slim – I had to choose from some sorry looking plants. You know them as the “tired looking” plants. Begrudgingly I chose many of them thinking if I plant them right away and take care of them, they’d likely thrive. 

Little did I know that my planting experience would speak such volumes to my own heart after such a busy season of life!

As I turned over the soil and laid the flowers along the top of the bed, arranged as nicely as possible (aka evenly balanced and color-coordinated), words like environment, nurture, care, and growth came to mind and it spurred me on to think about these words and how they related well to soul care and, It seemed to me that when we don’t intentionally cultivate safe, balanced, nurturing places for ourselves we can suffer unnecessarily – just like the plants people need to be nurtured and handled tenderly with care. Can you relate?

With any book launch where you are coordinating everything yourself – it’s overwhelming to say the least.  My soul care took a back seat for many months, not completely neglected but sorely neglected from my “normal” routines. My days started early often at 4:00 a.m. and would go until suppertime, taking breaks only to go for walks with my husband and dog Bailey, attend the odd appointment, and get-together with my inner-circle people, or rest on Sundays when I’d take the day off. There was much to do and many things on my never-ending checklist.

Thankfully I’m organized and pro-active, so I was able to get everything done, on time and fairly well. There were a few hiccups, but nothing too major! My hubby stood in the gap and became main cook at the house… and of course the necessary soul care always came last, if at all. 

You know what I kept hearing myself say? “It’s almost over, just a little while longer” or “I’ll do it tomorrow” and that kept me pushing through. Weeks, turned into months and slowly I became soul weary because my soul care had slipped away completely.

Do you ever do that? You get so caught up in something that nothing much else exists? What is it you say to yourself?

It has been a life-long habit for me that keeps recurring – it’s my nemesis! This is one of the unhelpful habits I need to release so that the weeds they produce don’t overgrow into my soul.

The good news is that we can hit that RESET button any time and start over cultivating a rich environment for our souls to reset, rest, and refresh. 

This is What my Gardening Experience Taught me

As I got down onto my knees and pulled weeds, cut back plants, and tilled the soil I began to reflect on the analogy between garden weeds and the weed-like distractions or overgrown neglect that can grow in our own hearts.

These are some of the reflections that I had:

·      When we don’t look at the weeds growing in and around us, we can’t uncover what is influencing our behavior.

·      Weeds are like unhelpful habits which can infiltrate beautiful places like our hearts and our minds. Without regular checking and rooting out, the weeds can grow and take over.

·      As I weeded, in behind a thick spreading thyme plant, I had to kneel on it and was surprised at the soft, cushioning it provided.  It occurred to me that when the environment is healthy there is growth and beauty that can become a place of rest. And, like that plant, with continued nurture, it can continue to spread more of what it is in its environment – a safe place to rest. God is a great one with whom we can rest but as good stewards of His word, we too can become a safe place of rest for those who need it too – as long as that busyness doesn’t distract us or make us unavailable.

·      As I planted my “slim pickings” plants it occurred to me how even when we feel small, weak, or brittle, being planted in a healthy environment, being nurtured, and cared for on a regular basis, will facilitate growth and beauty.

·      Many of my plants were overgrown so I cut many of them back. I pulled and dug out their roots, so they wouldn’t grow back and overtake my flowers that I was trying to nurture. By cutting out what was not life sustaining made room for more growth and beauty to come.

·      With such a proliferation of tiny weeds everywhere, each time I stood and emptied my bucket I saw more weeds – so I had to keep looking – more carefully from different vantage points. Looking once was not enough. Uprooting the things in our own hearts and schedule that suffocate wholeness and life required regular checks – it’s not a one-and-done activity.

·      My tulips and irises had finished blooming a week or two earlier so I cut the tulips right down to the ground and the irises, well, those I just had to dead-head so we could still enjoy their long beautiful green leaves.  It occurred to me as I was cutting them, that we too need to prune and cut back the parts of our life that are not bringing us vibrant life. It is so easy to get busy, distracted, or procrastinate cultivating a healthy environment for our souls whether it be in our inner our outer world socially or with our activities or even our habits of mind that don’t bring life.

·      The vine on the archway to our garden was overrunning everywhere. Half of me thought it was quite beautiful and I was especially intrigued how the vine’s tendrils reached out to hang on to something as an anchor and for strength. It reminded me of humans and how we need to reach out to God and to one another for support – choosing safe connection as part of a learning and strengthening process. Connection can become part of our soul care that can be cultivated and nurtured as well. This is how we can thrive.

·      God in his goodness and grace along with my little garden, my happy place, had much to teach and remind me about how important soul care is for my overall well-being.

I hope you find this a good reminder for you too!

A Prayer of Blessing for You

MAY you be aware of when you are saying… “just a little longer” and begin to push through. Instead, may you choose to take time to cultivate rest for your soul.

MAY you notice where the weeds are growing in your heart, mind, relationships, and activities that need tending and not ignore or postpone but find time to uproot even one thing.

MAY you remember God is a good and that He can bring good from any challenge (Romans 8:28), even the most difficult ones, and may your trust in God deepen in the journey.

MAY you remember to walk in the good way (Jeremiah 6:16) and seek direction from God in your decisions so that when you are in a crossroads moment, it will be clear where to take your next step.

MAY you find ways to include new practices into your life that a bring new life and wholeness through your favorite soul care activities.

MAY this become a month where you cultivate much love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control so that all will be well with your soul and that out of that abundance you might bless many others with your words.

p.s. You are receiving this newsletter because you have subscribed on my author webpage at hopeblooming.ca, or through an author book giveaway, or directly on Substack on my author blog to receive emails from me. I want to let you know that I’ve recently changed platforms to Substack but it’s still me! Welcome to the new format! I hope you like it!

In recent years, I’ve noticed an increase barrage of daily posts, emails, invites, and online meetings coming across my desk.

So many invitations can pull us in different directions creating a whole lot of BUSY.

Simplifying life is top of my mind each season. This checking-in habit started during a crisis in my first year of marriage, when my husband lost his job due to the economy, and I was working part-time. We had $16.00 in the bank and no income for the foreseeable future. Weeks earlier we lost my father-in-law to a heart attack, and then my lost my grandmother. There were many new kinds of “firsts” to face that first year when we were 25 and 27.

At the time, we had no choice but to sell everything, move into a tiny one-bedroom apartment, return to university, and then find new ways of making a living since the old ways weren’t working. These were tight, tough, and trying times. Yet for some reason, many years later, we can only remember the good things – like the new friends we made, the shared times in our cozy kitchen studying, or the odd treat we had getting to eat at a local fast-food place once month.

Those days were formational for us a young couple and as professionals. The challenges we faced instilled a strong will in us to persevere against the odds and a greater awareness of what is important in life, because we didn’t have very much at the time! It spurred us on to embracing a simpler lifestyle with gratitude while focusing on who and what is most important to us. In many ways we still practice this today – even decades later.

When things get busy and we get distracted by being pulled in so many directions, we pull out our favorite questions that seem to help us get on track. My questions and reflections look like this:

• What are you doing with your gift of time? Make a list. Don’t forget to add in all the “time wasters” especially if they are associated with technology!

• Which of these are getting you off-track from your main goals and for the kind of person you want to be? Identify the ones that are the “issue”.

• Which of these activities that you’ve committed to make you not the best version of yourself?

I know I need to regularly take steps to cut back and simplify my life because “busy” seems to creep in regularly and it has the tendency to steal valuable time.

I know need to spend more quiet time with God and make fond memories, with those I love and cherish, while still trying to serve in my community in valuable ways.

This post is a really a reminder to myself to remember to continue to hit the RESET button when I catch myself caught up in just being BUSY.

For me, that means I need to be intentionally aware of what to say “no” to or what to say “yes” to or even just “wait” a bit to decide.  I’ll say yes to the choices where I’m given opportunities to invest in the things that are eternal, life giving, and soul nurturing and help me be the best version of myself - instead of grumpy. And on the days when the responsibilities that I am truly responsible for get me cranky, I’ll try to find ways to “readjust” my mindset and remember my priorities. This way I’m more able to serve with love, gratitude, compassion, and empathy along the way. And I’ll use a discernment process that helps me reflect and decide which way to go. This way I hope I’ll have better boundaries, more resilience, and stamina, and feel like I’m on the journey I’ve been called into.

Let me ask you...

• What’s the purpose for why you are doing what you’re doing these days?

• What discernment process do you use to determine where place your focus?

Be sure to share your reflections in the comments below...

Living From our Values

Most of us spend a lot of energy avoiding painful experiences but, when big things happen, if we can face them with a good understanding of our values and hope-filled optimism – it helps!

It doesn’t make the tough stuff go away, but it can help bring new insights.

So let me start by defining “values” and “hope-filled optimism”. I’ll give you a sneak peek at something I wrote in my book: Embrace Life Embrace Hope: Cultivating Wholeness, Resilience, and Margin Through the Unexpected.

Values: “Values are the things we believe are of greatest importance in how we live our lives. They typically focus on the present moment and can serve as a standard from which we make choices and use resources.” (Buszowski, Fern E.M., Embrace Life Embrace Hope, 2023, pg. 44)

When we live life from our values, we are can learn more about what motivates us and realize that we are being presented with an opportunity to cultivate a hope-filled kind of optimism. We can do this through using words that embody our values.

For example, if my values include words such as: gentleness, cooperation, fair, helpful, and thoughtful, I can ask myself how are these values being mirrored back to me in my words to myself and the thoughts that I have?

• Where am I being gentle with myself? Or not so gentle?

• Where am I being cooperative with myself? Or uncooperative?

• Where am I being helpful? Or unhelpful?

• Am I taking consideration for my own needs in thoughtful ways so I can attend to them?

Hope-filled Optimism

One of the benefits of becoming aware of how we are living from our values means that we don’t have to “fix” our circumstances and don’t have to have it all together yet at the same time remain open to find new ways to embrace a type of optimism that is hope-filled...

We can be authentically “me” in the present moment, influenced by the past, yet look forward with hope to a new kind of tomorrow.

Granted some days may bring unwanted experiences and they may be very difficult one to experience. However, when we look at challenging circumstances through a hope-filled lens we can uncover ways to see and experience the journey as part of the healing process rather than just a good or bad, or as a wanted or unwanted experience – without minimizing or dismissing them.

Each step has the potential to take us into greater stages of healing and bring deeper levels of hope along the way. Don’t we all want that in those difficult seasons? I know I sure do!

And when we can release ourselves from evaluating life experiences as only good or bad based on our circumstances, then we can see ourselves and God with new eyes and find new ways of embracing a new normal – even when it is challenging – even with all our newly acquired limitations. Knowing and understanding how our values affect our mindset can help us take steps forward in the healing journey integrating the experience into the new version of ourselves that those changes are making in us.

They can help us begin to cultivate the resilient skill of hope-filled optimism.

Hope-filled optimism: Hope-filled optimism is “a type of optimism that acknowledges a person’s difficult emotions and the challenges brought on by a crisis. But that isn’t all. It’s also hopeful in its ability to see opportunities amidst those challenges, allowing the difficult experiences to change us. Hope-filled optimism helps us see the reality of a difficult situation, cope in helpful ways, gain new insight, and make meaning from the experience. It’s about believing unrelentingly that our crises will be redeemed and that the future holds hope, both here on earth and in heaven.” (Buszowski, Fern E.M., Embrace Life Embrace Hope, 2023, pg. 46)

Taking time to Reflect

More and more I am asking myself – How are my values are being mirrored back to me that bring hope-filled optimism in my thoughts, words, and actions without discounting or minimizing any challenges, emotions, feelings, or situations that arise?

• In what way do my thoughts acknowledge the difficulty of the journey?

• Are my thoughts and reactions defining the difficulty as good or bad only? Is there another way to look at this?

• When I draw upon my values, am I able to see any opportunities as I face these challenges? How might I finish this sentence….  

• My journey is difficult, even so, I can see an opportunity for me to grow by... choosing... thinking … embracing... breathing... resting...

• And on those days when I can’t, I can reach out for help I’ll …

• In what way do my words acknowledge the difficulty of the journey or am I hiding my words, so my suffering remains unseen to others?

• When I draw upon my values and listen to my words, what contradictions am I hearing? Are the words I use bringing me closer to seeing any opportunities during what I’m facing or further away?

• In what way do my actions acknowledge the difficulty of the journey or am I hiding them from others?

When I draw upon my values and evaluate my actions, am I seeing myself live from my values more and more. And on those days when I can’t see them, I can reach out for help from God, family, or my support system (my inner circle people).

Living from my values with a type of hope-filled optimism even during difficult days, allows me to give myself permission to be me. The me that is authentic and self-compassionate while validating the difficulty of my journey and reaching out for help when it’s needed whether that be through a friend, family member, or a professional.

So... let me ask...how do your values influence how you process through those challenging unwanted days?

Have you ever wondered what people do when facing difficult circumstances? On those days when we get unwanted news, a challenging diagnosis, or information that impacts our life in ways we never expected, it seems we just wish for things to go back to normal – right?

When we are faced with such moments – the next step “after getting the unwanted news part” seems like a tough slog, something unwanted, painful, and often totally unwelcome. We can become overwhelmed and ask ourselves – Why me? Now what?

Should we …

• Push through and just try harder?

• Ignore it or push it down?

• Throw our hands up in the air and concede that we are on a difficult journey?

• Have you noticed that sometimes our normal ways of coping with the unexpected just don’t work anymore?

It seems that when tough things happen, we need to come up with some new strategies to cope. And, if you are anything like me, those strategies might take some time to figure out, learn, and practice before they really help. Acknowledging that we are humanly imperfect and don’t always have life figured out helps me remember my finiteness and be more open to learning new ways.

The Key is to Find new Strategies and Enduring Hope that Helps

When I was diagnosed with oral cancer three years ago – facing an 8-hr surgery to remove almost 1/2 of of my tongue, reconstruct it, followed by 30 radiation treatments that would change me body, soul, and spirit – all that I am on the inside and outside – I came face to face the biggest challenge of my life. It was something I had never experienced before – a scary disease, disfiguring, limiting, and one that often has a long healing journey. 

Some coping strategies I tried were unhelpful and depending on the day, or the person with whom I was speaking, my strategy changed – just to maintain an image of being strong! That is until I realized that I needed to upgrade my coping strategies because my old ways just weren’t working anymore.

What helped me the most is when I started to practice self-compassion and hope-filled optimism. It was when I remembered I needed to dig deep into my faith to find the strength to be my own coach – my own cheerleader and live from my values through my cancer recovery.

I often reminded myself how to be a good friend to myself. With that in mind, I began to:

• be okay in acknowledging the hard stuff as being really hard;

• embrace the idea that God’s plan for us is to be whole (body, soul, (mind, emotions, will) and spirit) even when circumstance may be saying otherwise;

• cultivate an nurture self-compassion for my journey;

• recognize that I need to build some resilience and trust the process of healing and accept that it takes time to heal;

• tell myself that what I’m experiencing today is not how I’ll be tomorrow;

• realize that I can’t control or change my circumstances by only my responses to them;

• acknowledge that I’m more than my physical body and my identity does not come from my looks;

• consider what I want to be known for – my values and my faith – and learn to live from them more deeply and intentionally;

• find new ways to embrace the new me – changes inside, outside, and welcome limitations and all.

And so, when I got to that place, I began a new journey filled with new discovery, and it has sustained me well …

Check out part 2 of this “When the Unexpected Arrives” ... coming soon.

In the meantime, I’d love to know...what is it that sustains you on a difficult journey? Please be sure to comment below.

If you like what you are reading, I’d love if you’d subscribe - it’s FREE!!

How Resilient are you?

More importantly… how’s your soul resilience?

Life is busy, complex, complicated, and filled with responsibilities. Did I say busy – right – it can sometimes be so overwhelming, so stressful, filled with zero time to do what you want, be it spending time with God, others, or yourself.

The image the word “resilience” brings to my mind is strength – like the image of someone standing on the top of a mountain. It sends me the implied message that it’s not just about strength but also success, achievement, and conquering all the big stuff.

Some days I don’t feel very much like a successful mountain climber.

How about you?

The stress of life’s busyness and life circumstances can take its toll on most of us. Some days I feel more like the water barrel I have at the corner of my house that always seems to be on empty – even after a rainfall.

My water barrel is supposed to capture all the rainwater so I can water my garden plants with natural rainwater, but for some reason, every time I go to draw from it, it’s empty. I’ve checked for holes but can’t find them. Yet I’m sure there are tiny holes hiding from plain sight that let all that good water drain out not allowing me to use it in a way it was intended.

Let me ask you – do you feel more like the strong mountain climber or like the water barrel with hidden, maybe even, invisible holes?

It depends?

If you answered mountain climber – wonderful, that’s amazing – please send me some of the soul care practices that help you. Sharing tips with others is good!

If you sometimes feel like that water barrel with holes depleting your energy and motivation, I hope that this blog might get you to consider ways that you can gently, lovingly attend to your soul. I also hope it will spur you on to consider ways to prepare for those challenging days, that may be ahead, while remembering that cultivating resilience takes time and tender loving care.

Back to the mountain climber. The question I have is…

What if resilience is really something gentler that encompasses gradual growth, something that is not all about achieving but more about a process, a way of being, and cultivating a way of life? Maybe it’s something that embraces a more welcoming, patient, and gentle stance and is a process that embraces wholeness that attends to all parts of us – body, soul (thoughts, emotions, decisions, will, etc.), and spirit (relationship with God and others).

An image for soul resilience might be more like a grandpa’s old watch whose inner workings interconnect and work in a type of interdependent harmony because each part has been uniquely designed by its maker to have a role, a function, and when meticulously cared for works in harmony with the other parts as a whole.

Resilience is a journey. Resilience is a process. Resilience has a way of interconnecting those seemingly disparate parts of us.  It is not a list of to-do’s that we must check off or work harder at. It’s a way of cultivating awareness and checking-in, being gentle, self-compassionate, taking the time to love ourselves while uncovering our needs with a welcoming acceptance in our lives as a continual way of tending to our soul – that which God created.

Cultivating resilience can help us learn to live life well and embrace life despite all the challenges and limitations. And on those difficult days it could help us find new ways to embrace an enduring kind of hope.

Resilience grows as we grow and learn to welcome all those parts of our soul (body (all our physical parts), mind (thoughts, emotions, decisions), and spirit). Our soul condition affects our relationships with God and others.

Resilience is one of those things that when we practice soul care we tend to get better at it and can draw from it as a foundational gentle, loving practice to attend to ourselves. It can become something we draw upon during those difficult days.  For years I taught about resilience and getting unstuck, then I realized how resilience is like a muscle that strengthens with slow, deliberate practice helping us find ways to cope on difficult days.

My difficult days were when I went through an oral cancer journey. My soul care practices helped me everyday care for different aspects of my soul and my relationship with God and others. They were practices that became life-saving to me, even on those days I struggled to simply breathe.

During those long, lonely, isolated pandemic months of surgery, treatment, and recovery I had much time to reflect on what resilience and soul care meant in a crisis. It didn’t mean all my challenges vanished, or that I’d get my tongue back to the way it was, or that my cancer would never recur.  

It meant that I was able to care for my soul (body, mind, and spirit) in ways that brought new wholeness and life, and it brought me closer to God and others despite what the future held. And best of all it made good changes in me and has allowed good fruit to be borne from a difficult situation.

Consider these words...

“We are often pushed into a crisis without any kind of experience or preparation; we end up stumbling through our period of suffering with shocked surprise. The worst emerges from us rather than the best. We get through, but not always unscathed. And bouncing back may be harder than expected.

But what if?

What if we become better prepared—body, mind, and spirit—and therefore more resilient? What if we make the choice to live well in the next part of our story? What if we manage our expectations that keep us stuck? What if we find ways to embrace life and the concept of wholeness, persevering along the way and mourning our losses? What if we become the best version of ourselves? What if we become more real because of our value?” 

Buszowski, Fern, Embrace Life, Embrace Hope: Culttivating Wholeness and Resilience through the Unexpected, ( Winnipeg, Manitoba, Word Alive Press, , 2023), 103

Body, Soul, and Spirit

We are uniquely created with loving care – body, soul (thoughts, emotions, decisions, will, etc.), and spirit.  When we attend to and care for ourselves holistically we can feel more resilient. The more resilient we become we seem to be better able to connect with God, others, and to face each day with hope – on the good days and even on the challenging days. And it will bring us a new kind of strength to persevere and the potential to bear good fruit.

Things to Consider...

Being present: Becoming aware of distractions that take us to the future or take us to the past means that we are not living in the present moment.

Cultivating: Cultivating check-ins a regular way of life that allow us to embrace each day and attend to the needs of our own soul so that we can be “the best me” we were designed to be.

Labelling: Identifying what our needs are by developing a simple, yet helpful vocabulary that helps us uncover a need and it may even include measuring the degree and depth of that need.

Awareness: Becoming aware of our needs. Awareness of what often gets in the way. Awareness of what is not lining up with our faith and values. Awareness of what is holding us back. Aware of deep needs for our body, our mind, our spirit, and our relationships with God and with others.

Compassion: Learning and finding compassionate loving ways to care for our soul holistically. Life is often difficult and wrought with challenges – are we being as kind, and compassionate to ourselves as we are to others?

Choices: Making choices to simplify life and keep the main thing the main thing in life?

Practice: Simplifying, establishing, and practicing regular traditions, routines, and ways to deepen our faith and relationship with God, and with others that enrich our soul growth, enhance life and relationships, and keep us on track with our purpose and mission.

Connecting: Connecting with God, individuals, and/or safe groups where we can receive in, reach out, and reach up together.

So … what one thing have you or can you embrace to become more soul resilient? I’d love it if you share what helps you become more soul resilient!