What Helps us Notice Life-draining Rhythms
A little about soul care, something for poll lovers, and an important invitation!
Happy September!
This month’s post has a few things for you!
An update on our kitchen project
Questions to reflect on for creating life rhythms that work
A poll on how you cultivate a simpler, slower life rhythm
An invitation to join me in celebrating a key milestone in my cancer journey
Embrace Life, Embrace Hope is a Bronze Medal Award Winner in the Christian Living Category!
But first a note from my home … the Kitchen is done!!
As I mentioned in the last post we gave our kitchen a face lift. I only had to help paint some cupboards and then decorate the countertops - 2 things I find fun and creative but my husband did pretty much everything else with the help of a friend, and 3-party contractors who installed the counters and windows.
I promised to show a couple of photos when we were done and I must say I’m quite enjoying my clean, bright, new kitchen and especially love my new and improved kitchen island.
I’m hoping it’ll help me be a better cook and baker too!
I’m most thrilled with my baker’s table. Now stripped, restained, and raised with a lower tray is is my new “bakers table”. The photo doesn’t do it justice. It is where all my baking tools and supplies are.
It was especially fun to do a bit of thrifting for decorating the countertops and set up a cozy coffee/tea station. I was even able to dig out some old dusty items that had been in boxes for years. The only “new” things in the kitchen are the countertops, kitchen sink, and windows everything else just got repainted or tidied up.
Here’s the other side of our very long kitchen. It’s the place most of us congregate into:
Now onto … “What Helps us Notice Life Draining Rhythms”
After my cancer treatment finished almost 5 years ago I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease. It’s one of those chronic things that raises its ugly head when I’m tired, stressed, or too busy. Once it’s out of remission it can take weeks or months for pain and symptoms to subside. Consequently, I don’t have much choice except to notice and respond with compassionate self-care, soulcare and implement lifestyle changes so I can live my best life given my limitations.
B.C. (before cancer) when I was disease free, when workloads and responsibilities were high, I had a fairly high-stress role as a counseling therapist. I could easily just push through and keep going, but that’s no longer the case.
I must handle my own self-care as tenderly as I did my children’s when they were young, and my clients as I served them.
Question #1: How do you handle yours?
Why is it so Many of us Tend to Ignore our Needs?
Admittedly, even today, it’s a struggle and a balancing act dealing with a disease that I seemly have no control over. But because I want to live my best life with the limitations I face, I must make the effort and take the time to help keep the disease in remission by caring for myself body, soul, and spirit, rather than ignoring my needs.
More often than not I fail, however, I do keep trying my best. My best is all I can offer.
The Magic of Space
I was reminded recently that when I create space in my life for reflection it seems to also create space in my mind for new ideas, as well as a sense of peace in my heart. It motivates a greater willingness to rest and create healthy activities for my body.
The result? Freshness in my soul and a renewing of my spirit as well as all sorts of new ideas.
Cultivating space has a profound effect on one’s body, soul, and spirit – for better or worse
Space is helpful.
Lack of space is not.
The first time I was seriously convicted about the need for caring for myself body, soul, and spirit, was when I was diagnosed with Stage III Oral Cancer followed a few months later by the autoimmune disease I just mentioned – everything was screaming at me with life adjustments and excruciating physical and emotional pain which resulted in a serious lack of sleep and a deep fear of an unknown future.
It’s easy to get stuck there. However, I didn’t want to stay stuck.
During that time I regularly asked myself the question which I’ll ask you today:
Question 2: “What good things have helped you cope in the past?”
Just today, as I began to write this blog, I took the time to ask and answer this same question again and related it to how I want my fall/winter schedule to look with my workload and activities.
Adjustments and expectations must be made if I am to keep this pace of slower living and hang onto my health as well.
Question #3: What adjustments do you need to make to choose slower, choose you, and choose health?
Have you ever taken the time to take stock and see how you are doing body, soul, spirit and in your relationships and compare your current reality to what you want it to be like while balancing your goals and responsibilities?
This is one of those questions that can easily be lost to “I’ll do it later” or even, if you are anything like me, completely forget when all is well and only consider it when you are desperately in need for self-care.
Taking Stock
I invite you to pause and take a few minutes to do a daily check-in – even just once – just for today and reflect on your experience.
Question #4: How you are doing body, soul, spirit. How are your relationships? Compare your current reality to what you want it to be like while balancing your goals and responsibilities. Where are the gaps?
When I do this exercise, I draw a line on a piece of paper for each area –body, soul, spirit, and relationships and rate myself on a scale of 1-5.
1 = bad
5 = great and the others (2,3, and 4) lay somewhere in-between.
Reflecting on the Question
It’s a great question to ask at the start of day as well as the end of day. Doing a evening check-in uncovers how we’re doing on an ongoing basis so we can make adjustments as needed.
I also ask additional questions to examine why my score is what it is and if the result shows the direction I’m taking. It helps to evaluate what is life-giving vs. life-diminishing.
Am I moving toward balance or away from it toward busy-ness?
Am I moving toward addressing my emotions and concerns or away from them?
Am I moving toward God or away from Him.
Am I moving toward people or away from them.
When our movement is going in the wrong direction we can consider necessary adjustments or ask others for help when needed.
But, first, we need to become aware of the direction we are taking – that’s why a regular check-in is so helpful. Ignoring is unhelpful.
Question #5: Poll: In what area did you notice needed more care?
Cultivating Space for New Rhythms
We all have goals, demands, experiences, and responsibilities that influence our day and we do have a choice how we respond.
Question #6: Do you react automatically or do you respond compassionately, mindfully, and intentionally?
When our responses consistently push us in the wrong direction away from living our best life and away from caring well for ourselves as whole beings – all of us( body, soul, and spirit including our relationships) – the result will likely be something other than what we hoped for.
No one likes to be in that place!
By taking stock and monitoring rather than just pushing through, we get to decide if we need to change direction in order to embrace that which fills us up rather than that which drains us. This way is becomes an ongoing check-in that can help build our resilience.
Imagine cultivating a way of living that allows us to find a way to respond to our needs rather than just allowing the “to do list” to reign over us. It requires give and take.
It requires practice (I’m preaching to myself too, btw!)
Here’s the way I like to look at the categories of body, soul, and spirit and relationships.
Bodies (exercise, activity, rest, nutrition, sleep, etc.),
Soul (helpful thinking, dealing with our emotions, telling ourselves true stories, making wise, compassionate and good decisions, etc.),
Spirit – our time with God, spiritual growth, etc.
Relationships – with family, friends, community, etc.
A Crisis Can Make it Worse
Even on the best of days there are competing challenges and frustrations, yet, when the unexpected happens, like when larger trials, life-threatening illnesses, deaths, tragedies or any kind of unwanted crises arise, there is even a greater need to cultivate space for caring for ourselves in new ways so we can heal and grow despite the awfulness of the circumstances we may face.
Cultivating self-care and soul-care are kind of like building muscle mass. We can’t lift heavy weights for long period of time unless we train and prepare to do so – IN ADVANCE. As we practice we get better and stronger allowing “training” to become “a way of living”.
We are all a Work-in-Progress
Unfortunately there is no magic fix when competing challenges or crises usher us into a period of trial and suffering, but as we practice caring for ourselves during our every-day lives, we’ll learn to notice our needs more swiftly and respond in ways that are more helpful. This builds resilience to respond to needs while balancing responsibilities, roles, etc.
I’ll close with an excerpt from my book as I reflected on this learning journey, of caring for myself body, soul, and spirit, and learning to live well in a new normal.
“Each month, I become more adept at learning how to live well with hope while facing an unknown future, no matter the outcome. It’s an ongoing process wherein I must release that which holds me back from healing—like my need to have my normal life back, to know the whys, or to control my surroundings.
I’m learning to trust with a degree of emotional vulnerability which is extremely uncomfortable for me. It involves deep levels of trust. Trust in God. Trust in others. Trust in my doctors. Trust in myself and my own ability to choose well.
Trust every single day.
Trusting God is important. I trust God for the outcome, whichever way it goes. I trust in God’s goodness and His promises. God cares for us and wants what is best for us.
Trusting my doctors is important too. I trust them to care for me as best they can, because it’s why they do what they do, and I know without a doubt that they want good outcomes for me as well.
Trusting myself involves listening to my thoughts and knowing what I tend to avoid or react to so I can make informed choices to better care for myself and my soul.
If I choose to, I could easily feed my continual longing for the unfulfilled dreams I can never have. This would keep me stuck because it wouldn’t help me accept the reality of the permanency of my losses.
Becoming stuck can lead anyone to discouragement and a victim mindset.
Instead I have developed a habit of looking for the good, the beauty, and the opportunity—especially with broken things. Because when I intentionally look for good, I see more good.
When I look with hope, without dismissing the difficult moments, I see good in people, good in things, good in circumstances, and good in outcomes. Doing this brings me more hope, reminding me of all my blessings. Holding this perspective helps me appreciate the simple joys in life each day and gives me courage to release the false hope of living my old normal.
Deep down I know that this desire to return to my old normal can never be fulfilled. A return to that way of life is impossible. Only a new normal lies ahead, and I fully trust that God will continue to bring
good from it. That is my new hope.”
Buszowski, Fern E.M., Embrace Life, Embrace Hope: Cultivating Wholeness and Resilience through the Unexpected, (Winnipeg, Manitoba: Word Alive Press, 2023) p. 67-68
Bronze Medal Winner - Christian Living Category
I’m excited to announce that my book won an award! This time it came with a Bronze Medal from the Illumination Awards (USA) in the Christian Living Category 2025.
Do you like Important Celebrations? Come join me!
We typically celebrate cancer anniversaries on the date when treatment ends. In my case my treatment ended 5 years ago on January 7th. My 5th anniversary will be January 7th, 2026.
I can’t tell you how ecstatic I am to be drawing close to this date! I know that life doesn’t bring any guarantees but it sure feels good to be able to say “cancer-free”.
Will you celebrate with me by writing a brief review? (Wait! Don’t run away) Its not as scary as you think!
I’m asking readers who have read my book to write a brief review and post it on Amazon and on GoodReads between now and my 5th anniversary where I plan to celebrate 5 years CANCER-FREE!
Why are ratings so important? It helps readers know if the book is for them or not. If they know others enjoyed the book they may get a copy.
Your word matter. They make a difference.
How many times have you picked up a book because a friend told you about it? For me? Almost every time!!
What does that mean?
With every purchase, more money goes to cancer research. Research changes lives and saves lives too.
All proceeds I receive from the sale of Embrace Life, Embrace Hope are donated to cancer research.
Writing a Review:
A review can be as simple as a 5-minute commitment and putting a Star rating review, just one good descriptive word, one or two sentences, or a whole reflective paragraph if you like writing. What is most important is that you let the readers know how the book impacted you because maybe they’ll want to buy the book.
Here are ideas:
My Goal: 50 reviews (10 for each year I’ve been cancer-free!)
To see what others have written so far here are some quick links below to check’em out.
Just visit Amazon to see what others have written. Scroll down to the reviews to read what others have written and if you ware willing to add your review, there’s a button you can click on to write the REVIEW.
Visit Amazon.ca (if you are in Canada) Amazon in Canada
Visit Amazon.com (if you are in the USA) Amazon in USA
Visit GoodReads Goodreads
STAY TUNED… LOOKING FORWARD TO CELEBRATIONS IN JANUARY!
And as you seek new ways of caring for yourself may you also find shalom.
It was so good to meet you and your husband in Surrey, and now I've even been able to have a peek at your new kitchen! I'll be happy to celebrate your upcoming milestone with a review of your book - I'm looking forward to reading it!
Fern, so very much goodness here! I'm off to savor yet again . . .